Page 56 of Filthy Ruck

“There's always room for improvement. We can do better than we are. Sloppy ball handling and tackles. Communication.” I shrugged. Too many times, guys missed opportunities they shouldn't. During a game, the opposition would take full advantage. We'd be creamed. Not in the good way.

“I guess,” Frost said in a way that suggested he wasn't paying complete attention to my gripe. Usually he agreed with me.

I glanced over to him. “What's up? Regrets?”

“No,” he said quickly. “The opposite. It's weird to talk about, you know?”

“Yeah, big scary feelings,” I said, only half-sarcastic. I wasn't good at talking about those either. Even if those feelings were only arousal. I was in no way ready to talk about relationships or shit like that. We were friends who fucked the same woman, and had kissed. That was all I could get my head around for now.

His jaw tensed. “If that's all you're going to?—”

I stopped and punched him on the arm. “I'm not making fun. It was good. Let's do it again. Okay?”

He stared at me for a while before his jaw relaxed again. “Okay.”

We resumed walking, falling silent for a few moments.

“You're wondering what else?” I asked, continuing to keep it deliberately vague. Dallas was a few metres away, but we were surrounded by a group of other players, including Atlas and Jay. “I don't know what else.”

I caught the look of disappointment on his face and added, “For now. You're usually the one who jumps into things, not me. Don't ask me to decide on something just like that.”

“Right.” He stepped into the locker room first and sat down to pull off his boots.

I sat down beside him. “That wasn't what you wanted to hear.”

He shrugged. “I get it. One day at a time.”

“Exactly,” I agreed. “I'm not ruling anything out.” I leaned over, hands on my lace, paused in the middle of untying it. “Like you said, it's weird to talk about.”

'I want to fuck you' weren't words I'd ever said to another man. Thought them? Yes. But where I came from, saying things like that out loud could get you beaten to a pulp. For broaching the subject at all, he was braver than me. His childhood wasn't that different from mine. Small towns and small minds. Nothing better to do than gossip and judge, and raise fists against people who made you uncomfortable. Assholes.

“When you're ready to talk about it, I'm here.” He glanced over at me and offered the faintest smile. One that sent a sliver of heat right to my balls, and threatened to make cracks in my armour.

I couldn't and wouldn't act on that, not here, not today. Part of me hated myself for it. As my father used to say, I was old enough and ugly enough to make my own decisions. I shouldn't be letting other people's bullshit make them for me.

All I could say in response was, “Yeah.”

Fuckingcoward, I told myself.

“You guys good?” Dallas sat on the other side of Frost.

“Peachy,” Frost said, forcing a smile. “Ready for the season opener.”

Dallas nodded, but clearly knew that wasn't what we were talking about. “We'll kill this season.”

“And if we don't, Chelsea will be there to kiss us better,” Frost said.

Dallas’ eyes immediately darkened at the mention of her.

I thought she was getting under my skin, but it was nothing compared to his reaction to her. He was obsessed with her. Borderline addicted. Hell, maybe not even borderline. I'd seen him out on the paddock, struggling to focus on the game. By the end of the training session, he had his head in the right place, but if he was going to do that during an actual game, we could be in trouble.

I had no idea what the solution to that was. He wasn't going to stop seeing her and the team needed him to play.

The deeper we all got, the more complicated this became. I didn't regret a single second. I hoped he doesn’t give me a reason to.

“Who are you guys talking about?” Atlas stopped in front of us, his customary smirk in place. With his light brown curls and brown eyes with stupidly long lashes, some people might call him attractive. His looks were evenly balanced by being an asshole.

“You,” I shot back. “If any of us are hurt, you'll be there to kiss us better, right?” I made kissing sounds at him.

---