Page 111 of Lamb

“Is that your therapist talking?”

“I went for several years; it’d be impossible for me not to pick up on a thing or two,” I admitted. Although therapy had done little to change me over the years, that didn’t mean it had no use. There was always something to take from any experience. The techniques that didn’t work on me would work on others. I could credit most of my business success to what I’d learned from the good doctor.

Ash dropped a begrudging sigh, her head shaking, tussling her long hair. “Trust you to weaponize tools meant to help you.”

“Nothing is good or bad inherently. It’s how you use it.”

“Did you get that line from therapy, too?”

“Philosophy, actually. I took a class in college.”

Ash’s brows rose. “Wow. There really is no end of your surprises, Pandora.”

“Enough about me.” I pushed my face back into her neck, not liking the cool air on my skin. My tongue darted out to taste her, small kisses at first, but soon changing into light nips. Small shivers sprinted down her spine, her naked thighs pressed back against my half-mast. “Tell me.”

“About what?” Ash shrugged, playing the fool.

I bit a little harder, and she gasped. “You know what I’m asking,” I grumbled, lapping my tongue back over the small red mark. My earlier mark had already begun to purple beneath her skin, and I held back the carnal desire to recreate it. “What did you two talk about?”

“Nothing to be surprised about.” Ash shrugged, her shoulders sinking further, head tipping back to rest over my shoulder, glassy eyes looking up at the ceiling as if answers to all might be scribbled into the plaster. “Anna doesn’t care about me anymore. Nor should she.”

I frowned, my mouth pausing.

“I just …” Ash fumbled through the words, and her voice began to thicken. “I know I betrayed her. She did everything for me, and I threw it back in her face.” Emotion raised its ugly head inside of her, and Ash began to tug away from me. I held tighter. “I expected to be hated. To be punched the moment she saw my face. To be chased away if I ever came near her. I expected her fire and her fury. But I had not expected … nothing.”

I curled my arms tighter, but it couldn’t stifle her soft sob.

Ash was not wrong. Anna and Ash had gone through hell together with only each other to rely on for so many years that when Ash had chosen to leave and never come back, Anna had crumbled in her own way. When once they had been each other’slifeline, they had soon turned to poison. One that didn’t destroy them right away, but as time passed, it sank deeper and deeper into their veins until slowly, piece by piece, they eroded like limestone crumbling into the ocean.

“You might be right,” I said, not one to lie or sugarcoat the truth. “But there’s another possibility.”

Ash turned in my arms, her cheeks damp with quiet tears glistening in the moonlight. Her eyes searched mine with desperation, the emotions she had tried to bottle up rushing up to the surface and spilling over the edge.

“Caring is time. It’s energy. It’s an investment,” I explained, reaching up to cup her cheek, my thumb gently rubbing away the damp trails. “I’ve spent my life watching others, learning what they do and why they do it. Over those years, the biggest lie people ever tell is that something so profound in their lives has become nothing to them. Even after being hurt, betrayed, and left broken, there was still a part of them that would never let that one thing go. To feel absolutely nothing for something they once loved … is a fallacy.”

“But she—”

“Sometimes people pretend.” I reached up with my other hand, both now cupping her small, sad face, eyes wide, and even without her glasses, her whole focus was locked firmly on me. “It’s easier to pretend it doesn’t hurt, but deep wounds don’t disappear.” I slid my fingers down from her face, tracing the lines of her jaw and neck, pushing aside the delicate silk and revealing one of the shiny pink scars on her shoulder. “They scar.”

I leaned down, kissing the mark, sending a ripple down Ash’s body. My head lulled back onto her shoulder, enjoying the steady rise and fall of her shoulders, her face pressed into my neck, warm breaths rolling over my nape as her emotions settled.

Eventually, Ash reached up and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, nuzzling closer into my skin. So close, I almost missed her mumbled words. “You should send your therapist flowers.”

I held back my laugh, sliding my hands under her thighs and lifting her into my arms. She stayed cradled against my neck, arms clinging tightly.

I brought her to bed, laying on my back as she stayed fixed around my shoulders, curled across my chest like a housecat clinging for warmth. My hands rested over her, easily holding her in place as my mind drifted away. Sleep called for me, but I knew it wouldn’t for Ash. I’d be surprised if she slept any that night, but at least it’d be a night with no more tears.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

ASH

When I had gotten out of the shower and found the bed empty, it had taken all my tattered courage to step out of the bedroom alone and into the clubhouse to search for my lost lamb. What I had not expected was heading outside into the car park and finding the recreation of the wall of China. Except, instead of bricks, it was large, muscled men; and inside, through a brief glance, I saw no one other than the man himself.

Lamb was half-naked, covered in sweat, fist-fighting another man.

I didn’t even know Lambcouldfight. I had seen him fire a gun, but going hand to hand in a contest of strength wasn’t something I could have pictured mentally.

“This again?” One of the club girls shook her head, her long, dangling earring jingling. She tossed her wavey hair over the tiny bra barely covering her nipples, the twilight of winter unable to touch her dark-tanned body.

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