Page 70 of Lamb

She looked down at it with surprise before turning to me, and I saw her eyes grow even further.

“It does matter,” I shot, unsure what it was she was seeing in my face, but knowing a bubbling mix of emotion was swirling inside of me. Something about the way she spoke, or the way the vulnerable space inside of her had snapped shut had impatience pounding in my chest. My heartbeat rose, and the thrum running through my fingers into hers told me her pulse began to quicken, as well.“Tell me.”

Ash paused, her eyes cataloging something on my face, something that had her stiff posture softening in my grip and her gaze holding mine.

I gave Ash a tentative tug on her wrist, and she let me guide her closer. Her knees butted against mine, her hair framing around her face as she looked down at mine. I released my grip on her wrist, my hand gaining a mind of its own as it reached up to cup the gentle, worried expression tightening on her delicate features.

Her softened green eyes searched my face, looking for something to give her the green light, to let her tremoring lips open and speak. I wasn’t sure what it was, but when her voice fell on my ears, I knew I had opened the door for her once more.

“Are you … in love with me?” Ash asked, and for a moment, my mind tripped. It was just a moment because as I searched Ash’s face in return, I realized she wasn’t asking this for confirmation, or with hope or desire. It was curiosity and confusion that wove her brows.

Before I got a chance to process my answer, Ash continued, “From the beginning, there was no attraction for us, not in the emotional sense. Neither of us is foolish enough to believe in fate. And if this is just a means to an end for your club, then there are more efficient ways to do this. You do not have to find my missing pieces or fix what is broken. So that is the only thing I can think of that would explain your devotion to putting me back together. To going this far for me … is love.”

I thought about her words, the letters tumbling over my mind time after time. It happened in a moment, but years flew by in my mind. Years of watching my brothers fall in love, one after another; of seeing the different forms; family, romantic, platonic; of different versions of love I’d witnessed; of another world I’d never been able to touch.

“I would be,” I answered, the words slipping from my mouth before my brain had caught up, “if I was capable.”

I had taught her love in every way I knew how, with every method I had seen and every story I had witnessed. It was all I could do for someone who lacked the core necessary to act with emotion. I could only do what others had done before me and hoped it was enough. Enough to fulfill my end of the bargain.

“I see.” Ash nodded, her gaze breaking from mine yet again, to the floor. She wasn’t disappointed, nor upset, not that I could tell. She was simply thoughtful.

It was one of the rare comments I had ever made about my nature. It wasn’t something I had ever discussed and had never needed to. Not many had seen behind the façade I carried, and even if they had, it wouldn’t be a side of me that would warrantan explanation or understanding. My duality would be the least of their problems.

Ash and I had fallen into our thoughts for a long moment, and when a sharp noise shot through the room, Ash nearly leaped out of her skin.

Mint held his closed magazine in his hand, his face welded with a heavy frown and his lips pursed.

“Shit.” Ash gasped, her hand on her chest. “I forgot you were there.”

“Clearly,” Mint deadpanned, tossing his magazine onto the side table and standing. “I need a smoke.” He fished a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, giving us both long, cold stares. “If we’re going to live in each other’s pockets for the next forty-eight hours, we need to pick a different conversation topic.”

“You could always leave,” Ash huffed, not taking any of Mint’s attitude. “I will be fine on my own.”

“I didn’t mean for you.” Mint scowled back, the two butting heads again. I had yet to decide whether they got along or not. Both had a habit of riling each other up, yet a mutual understanding ran deep between them, as well. “I mean for us.”

Mint gestured back and forth between himself and me.

I stared blankly at the gesture, unsure exactly what he was alluding to.

“Don’t get me wrong; you’re going to feel like you’re breaking from the inside out,” Mint said matter-of-factly, looking back to Ash, “but seeing someone suffering and being able to do absolutely jack shit about it … that shit will burn you.”

Ash frowned. “You have done this before?”

Mint hesitated, his eyes flickering between me and Ash. “I’ve done both.” Mint smirked, but it was bitter. “Being on the outside hurt way more.” With that final statement, Mint walked out of the room, the door closing softly behind him.

“I am not sure whether that was supposed to comfort me or not,” Ash mumbled aloud, that worried brow tightening once again. “I do not think it did …”

I thought about his words, my eyes scanning over the vacant doorway.

It didn’t comfort me either.

Chapter Nineteen

ASH

Iwas not, in fact, ready.

I expected the headaches, the dry mouth, and the dizzy spells. Expected that half my time would be spent with my head in the toilet bowl. Expected the constant feeling of irritation by any sound, touch, or smell.

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