Page 32 of Lamb

My eyes burned, and the world spun as too many thoughts raced through my mind, memories and visions coming to the front, each demanding attention, screaming at me to look. To see. To listen!. LISTEN TO THEM! DO NOT HIDE. YOU CAN NOT HIDE ANYMORE, ALEXANDRA. YOU CAN NO—

“Like what?” Lamb snapped, his voice sharp and loud as it tore through the screaming voices. “Ash, listen to me. Answer me.” Warmth pressed against my cheeks, long fingers curling around my hair and the nape of my neck. His thumb pressed under my jaw, my heartbeat struggling beneath his touch. “You shouldn’t be like what?”

“I am not mean to be fixed,” I whispered, desperation taking hold of me. I was cold. I was tired. “I am not meant to—” Feeling dizzy and lightheaded, my weight tilted forwards. “I am not …”

MONSTER … MURDERER.

I closed my eyes, pressing my hands against my ears. “No,” I begged. “No. GO AWAY.”

I could hear it. The gagging sounds. The struggling breath in my ears. The blood matted in my hair.

I was there.

My eyes burned like a kettle boiled and poured over my face. Never stopping. Never letting up. I fought to brush it away, felt my hands clawing at my face, the scalding burns, the stinging tears and searing pain tearing into my eyes.

“It hurts,” I cried, shaking my head, trying desperately to rip the rag free from my face. But no matter how much I grasped, and pulled, and tugged, darkness was everywhere. “Please,” I begged. “Make it stop! Please!”

“ASH!” a familiar voice bellowed. I knew this voice.

I jerked forwards, my hands lunging, a firm body beneath my palms. Relief spun through my desperation as I dug my claws into the skin, dragging the person closer.

“Please,” I begged, the darkness withholding, the pain generous. I needed it to stop. The dark. The pain. All of it. “Help me. I can’t see. Please, I—”

Strong hands tugged me closer. A thick arm pressed against the base of my back, another snaking around the nape of my neck, pulling my head against something warm and solid. An earthy, woodsy scent filled my nose, a soft shirt pressed into my face as I fought to suck the air into my lungs. The material smothered my mouth and nose, and I wanted to push away, to escape for breath, but I could not. I had no strength.

“I cannot—” I gasped, stars swimming around the edges of my vision as they screamed and seared. “I cannot breathe.”

My legs turned to lead and collapsed beneath me, but no hard surface struck my side. Instead, I fell gently. In the intangible darkness, I kneeled on something cold, hard, and wet.

“Look at me,” the voice ordered, sounding far away.

Cool air rushed over my face as the soft fabric smothering me retreated. Wide, long-fingered hands pressed against my wet cheeks, thumb tucked under my chin, fingers splayed over my throat, a finger on my pulse. My blood rushed with the single, overpowering thought as the material over my eyes felt as if it were fusing over my skin, as if removing it would take my face along with it.

“Look at me, Ash,” it called again, and if I squinted, in the dark, I could see something blurred moving within it. “You can see. You’re safe.”

“Take it off,” I pleaded, clinging to him. “Please!” I was sure I dug deep enough to draw blood, but I couldn’t care.

It hurt too much.

“Ash,” the voice whispered close to my ear, and my hands tightened on his body, anchoring him to me. “I’ll make it go away. For now.”

I opened my mouth, wanting to respond, to beg or cry, or something; but no words came. I felt pressure on the nape of my neck, and I gaped, trying to take a breath, but I could not function.

One sole word repeated over in my mind until nothingness emptied my mind and I succumbed to the void.

Monster.

Chapter Nine

LAMB

Impulsive.

It wasn’t a word ever used to describe me; by others, and more importantly, by myself. I carried out my every action with intention and purpose, with an outcome planned and predicted. I didn’t havewhimsorimpulses.

Or so I thought.

It wasn’t until the moment when her damp, wet face looked up at mine, tangled hair clinging to her flushing red cheeks, her lips parted, and her breaths bated, eyes yearning for something that I didn’t believe was inside of me. Until it was.

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