Page 143 of Lamb

I had not expectedpain.

It slammed into me like a train, the horrible storm of raging emotion and suffering swirling in those deep brown eyes. His face betrayed nothing, but I could feel it take my breath and wrought my soul to shreds as reality dragged me to my knees. Because I knew.

I knew what this man had become. Knew how he had evolved, and changed, and grown. Knew that if everything had been a lie, it would not destroy him like it was.

This was the truth.

Lamb had betrayed me.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, the strangled voice barely a murmur in the empty silence.

“Honestly, I do not have much use for her.” My father’s voice cut mercilessly through the air, bogged down with pieces of my world crumbling around me. “But if you are that attached, I would have given you a little longer with the thing to do with it what you will.”

“No.” Lamb wrenched his eyes from mine, and yet the pain did not stop. Its grip fastened into my spirit, nails digging so tight into my heart that I struggled to breathe. Yet, I did not move.I could not.

“Just leave my club alone,” Lamb growled. “That is all I want.”

Oh.

Oh.

I could hear it ringing in my ears. Even if he loved me, even if he cared. There was one rule above all for Lamb. One rule that was the basis of his being. Above any love or loyalty. Above any friendship or honour.

Club before all.

“A deal is a deal.” My father shrugged, raising his hand back towards the door. A dismissal.

I did not see Lamb’s gaze again. Not even a glance, or even a flicker in my direction. He pulled loose his sleeve from my fingers, plucking the material from between my fastened grasp. He turned on his heels and headed back towards the door.

I was suspended, watching his back, his warmth seeping from my soul as that thick and choking darkness uncurled and festered deeper inside. It seeped into my fingers, toes, eyes, and tongue as even the scent of his woodsy cologne faded from my senses and only a charcoal bitterness remained.

The man in black opened the door, and I watched, unable to look away, as Lamb stepped out, not faltering a single step. The man in black followed in tow and shut the door behind them. He was gone.

Iwas alone.

“I like him,” my father interjected, drawing back my attention.

I could still feel my lungs swelling, my heart bleeding into an endless empty ocean in my middle. It was there. It was happening. I was drowning.

“Forgive my attire,” he said, misunderstanding my rigid gaze. “I heard you had arrived and … well, I could not contain myself.”

“You can forget the fake chatter,” I hissed, my voice much stronger than I felt. “I cannot stand it.”

I wondered how I looked to him. Confident like I had hoped? Or weak like I felt?

“Very well.” He nodded, dark grey eyes narrowing on my face. The smell of aged whiskey and recently snubbed cigars wafted from him. The scent roiled in my stomach. “It seems you did not inherit my silver tongue … among other things.” He turned up his lip, wrinkles protruding from deep ravines in his face. Disgust was a familiar emotion to him. I was not surprised.

“Your time galivanting in the outside world has not rounded you as I had hoped it would.” He shrugged. “You still seem in the same rough shape I had cast aside not so long ago.”

“Murdered.” I bit through clenched teeth. “You did notcast me aside. Youmurderedme.”

“Unsuccessfully,” he mused as if we were discussing nothing more than an article in the newspaper. His eyes once again roamed my body, lingering longer on my scars. “Despite my best efforts, your resistance to death seems to be treating you well. Excessively so.”

Blood swelled in my mouth.

“So, tell me, Alexandria,” my father droned, turning and settling on the plush Sherlock chair in the centre of the room. A glass drink’s trolley held a half-full crystal decanter of port and a matching ashtray with a full cigar. “After crawling out of the grave, why have you come here of all places? Surely, you would be better suited to fleeing away to the far reaches of this earth?”

“You know that would do no good.” Pain flashed across my palms as my fingers curled into tight fists at my side. Fury from the depths of my soul burned charcoal black from his casual, relaxed tone. Did he not know why I was here? Or did he not care? “Catching me was only a matter of when.”

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