Page 100 of Lamb

I didn’t turn back, fearing if I did, I wouldn’t be able to walk out the door. If this was how bad it was already, I wasn’t sure how I’d ever be able to leave her alone in the future.

I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

ASH

My gaze remained glued to Lamb’s back as it disappeared behind the closed door, not once having turned to look back at me before making his departure. Something deflated in my chest, and the cold walls of the doctor’s room felt smaller than they had before.

“Don’t worry, darling; I won’t bite,” Dr. Mabel Beckett, Lamb’s great-aunt, interjected as she hopped off her large office chair. It spun behind her, and she made her way around the desk. “Not unless you ask me to.”

I was taller than average, but not by much, so when the tiny woman came to stand before me, it was strange to meet her at eye level while I was sitting. I was sure she had been taller before time had placed a bend in her back and a hunch on her shoulders. There was much to process about her, stuff I had no time for as Lamb had ambushed and projected me into the doctor’s office.

“If you have questions, ask.” Mabel waved her hand as she began digging out different tools from under the paper mountain living on her desk. “Lift your arm.”

I complied with her as best as I could, fighting not to jerk away at the touch of her cold hands as she slid a blood pressurecuff up my arm. I was quiet while she went through the basic motions of the checkup, thinking about what I could ask. I did not need much imagination to see Lamb as a child; he would question every little detail about his life and tilt his head when he did not understand why someone might cry, or laugh, or yell. I knew it would not be all rosy; I was sure he had sat alone at lunch and hid behind textbooks and encyclopaedias, wondering why he was different.

“It must have been lonely …” The words slipped from my lips as I saw the parallels between us. Perhaps Lamb would not understand, maybe he could not. The cold loneliness that had plagued me might never have reached him, but it did not hurt my heart any less.

“Not really.” Mabel slapped the end of her stethoscope against my knee, and it jerked in return. “Lamb had lots of friends growing up …” She paused, her head tilting to one side as she thought it over. It was a lot more subtle than Lamb’s, but it made me smile to know the gesture was an inherited one. “Though they were more like slaves. While others were learning how to move their bodies and develop their brains, Lamb was already practising blackmail and bribery. Manipulation comes easy when you don’t have a sense of guilt or justice.”

A laugh startled us both. It was my own, and it jerked out of my chest before I could catch it, the image of Lamb already making bets and having children do his bidding.

Mabel smiled, wrapping her stethoscope back around her neck. “You’ve got a beautiful laugh, sweetheart,” she commented. “It makes me feel better about asking you to strip.”

My chest cooled, and the warmth seeped like the sea across the shore. My hands tightened into the hem of my shirt, my nails digging into my palms. Nervous anxiety fluttered over my chest.

Mabel waited quietly, stepping back so I had room. “Would you like me to turn around?”

“Is there much point when you are going to turn back and see me naked, anyway?”

“Not really.” Mabel shrugged, turning before I could answer. “But some people appreciate the courtesy.”

“Courtesy is not something I am familiar with,” I sighed, letting the comment sit in the still air as I plucked myself up and pulled off my jacket and the thin material of my shirt.

I was in a simple black bra and matching underwear, all chosen by Lamb, and now I could see why he had insisted on picking out my clothes this morning. I took off my shoes, and the jeans slipped right off. I laid them over the chair before turning back to her.

I felt cold and vulnerable, and the bright light of the room shimmered over my purple scars, looking harsh and dark against my pale skin. “I am ready.” It was barely a whisper.

Mabel turned around, and if she was shocked, her face betrayed nothing. She was clinical and professional as she stepped closer, eyes scanning and cataloguing things beyond my knowledge. She pressed against the wound on my stomach, her fingers firm and precise.

“Do you have any stomach issues, long term, since these have healed?” She asked as she moved onto another sitting just left of my hip.

“Not really,” I answered. “I only get minor side effects. The surgeons said I was lucky.”

“Then your surgeon and I have a different definition of lucky,” Mabel tutted, becoming more comfortable adjusting me like a pliable doll as she moved from one scar to the next.

Aside from the main two—one in my chest and the other in my stomach—my other gunshot wounds had been to extremities. I had six in total, and four were just minor; done to deal pain, not kill.

After a long time being poked and prodded, and a few thousand more questions, Mabel handed me back my clothes. Goosebumps prickled up my skin, and my body had begun to shiver as I struggled to pull back on my jeans and shirt.

“You’re healing well physically,” Mabel summarised, moving back around to her desk and hopping onto her chair with a grace not suited to a woman her age. “I’m going to give you a shot of some vitamins and all that other good stuff to help you with the post-effects of your detox, and I’d like to see you again in three months. By then, I’ll have more information on a treatment plan for your eyes. For now, I’ll give you some eye drops and a referral to an optician. They should be able to get you some glasses to help with your vision at least.”

I committed all the information to memory as Mabel printed out a small prescription slip and handed it to me. “Thank you,” I said, meeting her small brown eyes. “For seeing me. I’m sure you must be busy.”

Mabel smiled, and for a moment, it was soft and sweet, and then it was bitter and annoyed. “Let’s just say Lamb drives a hard sale,” she huffed. “I may have been able to fix his manners, but I hadn’t managed to change his soul.”

I laughed. “I do not think anyone can.”

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