Page 31 of Jax

Two beers and three shots of vodka later and I couldn’t get her off me, the feeling of her hair tangled in my hands, her tears sunken into the ink of my skin, her warmth seeping deep into my bones.

I had to fight the itching and burning to scrape away the traces of her presence. Had to pretend that I didn’t feel the regret weighing like lead in my stomach. Had to fight the urge to let the thoughts screaming in the back of my mind come forth.

As desperate as my fight may have been, it couldn’t stop the awareness creeping through.

I knew what this was. I knew these feelings. I’d seen them a thousand times in the hearts of my brothers and I could pretend that their fate wouldn’t be awaiting me, but I was smart enough to know better.

But that was where my intelligence ended. If I had anymore, I would have never touched Ronnie. I would have pushed her away the second she wrapped her arms around me and I wouldn’t have looked back.

But I hadn’t done that. And the second I embraced her, I felt it all.

Wanting to give her everything she could ever need. Wanting to protect her from any harm that dare come her way. Wanting to be all she could ever want.

She’d never affected me like this when she was younger. I had known her from the age of zero to seventeen and had pulled her out of trouble over a hundred times the entire way up. Whether she got herself stuck in a tree or almost accidentally buried herself alive, I’d had to drag her ass kicking and screaming all the way. And then she’d fallen in love with me. Puberty came and instead of me dragging her out of trouble, she was on my heels following me headfirst into it. I hadn’t cared, I was good-looking, and she had been three years younger than me. A bullheaded girl in need of a few more brain cells.

But this…womanwasn’t the same girl. She was still stubborn and liked to run her mouth, finding trouble wherever she went, but she wasn’t walking in my footsteps anymore. She was by my side, out of my shadow and glowing with her own light, making me look in her direction.

I hated it.

Even if I knew, and even if I was aware of what was growing deep inside me, there were some feelings like that I couldn’t just erase. Things that couldn’t be unwritten from our past.

Ronnie betrayed me. She had decided not to trust and follow me, proving her love for me was nothing more than a childhood crush. And when she’d chosen that place over me… I couldn’t.

“Shit,” I hissed, taking my shot from the side of the bar and tossing it back.

“You going to spit it out?” A voice cut from my side, and I found a graceful, redheaded queen saddling up to me.

“Depends on how you taste.” I winked, making Kay roll her eyes.

“My dead husband will be turning in his grave,” she scoffed, taking the bottle from my hand and pouring her own shot of vodka. She took it without a bat of an eyelash and although Kay was an older woman, she didn’t have any trouble keeping the hens in this godforsaken club in line, or taking a shot.

Kay put down her glass before reaching over, grabbing my forearm and dragging it in front of her. Gentle, long fingers skimmed across the skin on my arms, inspecting the bare stripes cutting through my tribal tattoos. “These parts might scar,” she said, pointing to the bits of red skin crisscrossing over the apex of my muscle. “But the rest should heal fine. You can get your tattoos redone once you’re fully healed. Do try to keep them out the sun, though.”

“But what if I end up with a patchy tan,” I gasped, though the end may have slurred slightly.

“You men and your vanity.” She shook her head, giving my arm a good slap before releasing it. I winced and hoped to God that Kay thought I was kidding because that fucking hurt like a bitch.

She scoffed at my reaction, and I managed to get away with my dignity intact as she walked away from me.

“Oh, Jax,” Kay called, causing me to spin on my chair. “Sober up, you’re on carpool duty tonight.”

I looked down to the shot Pipe refilled, the sucker quite happy to remain quiet behind the bar as I had been trying to drink myself into oblivion.

“There’s a perfectly capable prospect right there!” I whined, jerking my thumb at Pipe, his near bald head turning in my direction.

The fucker had enough nerve to grin back at me and said, “I can’t drive.”

“You liar,” I snorted. “You’ve got your Harley sitting right out fucking side.”

“I can ride,” Pipe explained. “But I can’t drive. I don’t have a license for a car.”

I knew Jeremiah was a stickler for rules, and if he caught our recruit driving several drunk girls home, he’d be all too happy to lock him up for a night or two.

I threw my hands up at him. “What the fuck good are you, then?” I cried in defeat as my arms collapsed down onto the bar. I looked at my shot, the surface rippling with the impact of my arms.

Pipe saw it as well, and just as I saw the fucker’s big fat hands reach for it, I snatched it from the bar and took it so fast, I nearly swallowed the glass with it.

“Jax!” Kay hissed from her spot away from me. Had she been any closer, she probably would have slapped me for that too.

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