The hall led me to a similar hallway on the top of the stairs, and on this floor a beautiful arrangement of more recent photos covered the wall. They showcased a grey-haired couple, smiling in full color. The scenic and beautiful views surrounding the couple were from different parts of this land and town.
The landing was small and Jax had already turned into a bedroom by the time I had finished gazing at the photographs. I followed him past the white door and into a simple guest bedroom. The bed was pushed up against the wall on one side, a vacant vanity table and wardrobe and plain tartan sheets of the bed matching the curtains. A complementary floral wallpaper decorated each wall, and a whitewashed window overlooked the dirt path that backed up to the main road.
A muffled huff made me turn as the puffy bed sheets depressed under my duffle bag where Jax tossed it. He moved across the floor, avoiding a faded blue rug peeking out from under the bed, then dipped his head into the adjoining bathroom. I could see it was small without going in it, but either way, this was so much better than the motel room, and every other room I had been in on my road trip.
With a satisfied nod, he turned back to me, folding his arms defensively across his chest. He stayed on one side of the rug and I on the other.
“The old man doesn’t do freeloaders,” he interrupted my stare, leading my eyes from his chest to his face.
“What’s the catch then?” I replied on a sigh. I dropped onto the bed, making sure not to cross the invisible line he had drawn between us.
I almost forgot to listen to his reply as I sunk into the depths of the fluffy bed, my arms spread wide across its length. My body cried at the comfort and joy it offered. It was old but was the softest thing I had ever laid on, with the most intricate decoration above it. The plastered ceiling had detailed, delicate designs carved into it where the roof line met the walls.
God, this room was amazing.
“There’s a list of jobs you need to do. I’ve left it downstairs on the table, but I want everything done by tomorrow, then I’ll write you a new list for the day after.”
I sighed.
There was no doubt it’d be physically tough on me, I expected nothing less than a list written from Jax, but with every other facility in the rest of Fellpeak barred from my employment, I guess I’d just have to let him have his way.
“Fine,” I huffed, not looking at him.
It was quiet for a long time while I sat on the bed. I inhaled a long, deep breath of the sweet vanilla fragrance wafting from the sheets. My heart throbbed inside my chest as it rose and fell, falling into a soft lull that time seemed to wash away. I had long thought Jax had left.
“That day…,” he spoke, scaring the shit out of me.
I jerked in the bed, flicking my head in his direction. His eyes were focused on me, not flinching, not wavering. Not… anything. They just looked at me, gentle and curious from his stance in the doorway. But his arms were still wrapped around his chest, and his voice had paused, both actions telling me exactly what day he was referring to.
“The day you left?” I answered.
He nodded, a strand of dark hair moving over one eye. He didn’t move it.
Silence once again fell between us, but I waited. Waited and watched until I saw Jax’s mouth move once more.
“Why didn’t you come with me?”
“You know I couldn’t, Jackson,” I whispered, my heart feeling that same pain it did on the very night I saw him walk away. “I couldn’t leave the ranch behind. I still wanted to make a change. I thought I could do it. I thought I could make it better.”
Thought. Past tense.
I wondered if Jax would pick up on it, but the next sounds I heard weren’t his voice, or mine, but his boots walking out the room, down the stairs and out the door.
I was left on the bed, quiet. My voice was anchored deep in my throat, weighed down by the guilt I’d been carrying for years. It grew with the lingering sound of his motorcycle driving away from me as fast as it could.
Maybe there was no room for apologies between us, after all.
* * *
Every morning started with the usual list of household chores, or patrols around the fields, checking the rodent traps, fixing holes in fences, changing the oil in the quadbikes, mucking out Max’s stable, and the ten thousand other things I had to do to keep this place running.
It wasn’t unfamiliar work, but it was work I hadn’t done in a while. Even so, I didn’t complain. I just got on with it like I was expected to do. And although I found it tiring, it was nice to do a full day’s work again instead of sitting around the house all day long like I was once told to do. Like I had done for years. I had been so naïve….
But with each tiring day that passed, the thoughts of the past came less and less, and my karmic rewards where coming to me in the best way possible. Max’s training was progressing leaps and bounds, and I couldn’t stop the feeling of hope beginning to burn brighter in my chest. It came in throbbing waves of warmth through my body with each step Max let me closer, and the simple smell of her beside me almost made me weep in joy. Such a simple thing, and yet I had missed it for so long that it had now become an irreplaceable need in me.
But even with that joy and hope, there was a single thing that could deflate my heart in a single glance. A reaction from one man.
Jax.