Page 115 of Jax

“She’s not coming.”

I hoped she would never change her mind. I hoped at that moment she would never come for me. I hoped that I would never have to see her again.

Never see the friend who followed me everywhere. The friend who had loved me as long as she’d known me. And the friend who had betrayed me.

Because if I were ever to see her again, if she ever came looking for forgiveness, or to make amends…

I knew I could never forgive her.

* * *

“I’m an idiot,” I grumbled, kneading my head into the wood of the bar, as if grinding my skull could erase the painful memory.

It had plagued me since I saw her back turn on me and not look back.

The metallic aftertaste of my words sat at the back of my throat as I realized just how bitter karma was.

When I had left eight years ago, I had been so caught up in my own frustrations and selfish desires that I had ignored hers. It wasn’t like I didn’t know. The cautious, weary expression on her face whenever I had talked about getting away from there. The doubt and the worry, hidden behind her small green eyes. I pretended not to see them. I pretended that the only thing she cared about the most was me. That she would abandon every stubborn and prideful part of herself to follow me like any other normal girl. But Ronnie wasn’t normal.

In hindsight, I was able to realize how childish I was.

It was one thing wanting to escape for me. It was what I needed, and seeing where I ended up, I didn’t regret leaving. I found myself at the club and found a place to call home, and people to call my family. Leaving was the right option for me.

But for Ronnie….

I should have known she wouldn’t abandon the horses her mother loved and her father stuck around to protect.

I shouldn’t have pressured her to leave like I had. I shouldn’t have pushed my feelings onto her and forced her to agree to leaving with me. Even though I knew about her feelings for me, it was wrong to use them against her. To leave her with that kind of regret, and to arrogantly never question my own actions. If I had, I would have realized sooner the kind of mistake I had made.

And If I had realized… it made me wonder what I would have done differently.

Would I have gone back for Ronnie? Would she never have gotten married? Would she be happier if I had gone back for her?

I hoped I would have gone back for her.

I hadn’t realized how much it had hurt when Ronnie said she had stopped waiting for me. As if a selfish part of me hoped she would have never given up on me. Never blaming me like I had blamed her.

But she had. And unlike me, she had every right to hate and blame me.

Even if I had to leave, I didn’t have to do it like I had. I didn’t have to hurt her like I did.

“I wish I had a time machine,” I grumbled, rubbing my head even harder into the wood, the friction causing a slight burn, which was pathetic compared to the huge beating I deserved.

“Trust me, the butterfly effect is too much of a hassle.” Anna’s quick quip poked at my side, along with a sharp fingernail.

“Ow.” I jerked up in my seat, glaring at her. My hand cupped the rib she jabbed, knowing it would leave a bruise.

Her little blonde eyebrow cocked at my reaction before it was finished with an eye roll. The pint-sized girl saddled up onto one of the empty stools beside me as she reached over the counter for a cold beer and pulled it up onto the counter.

I waited until she popped the cap on the side of the bar with expert ease before snatching the thing out of her hand and chugging it in one go.

A loud burp escaped my lips before I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and placed the empty bottle in front of her. I fixed her with a glare. “You know better.”

“So your eyes do still work.” She crossed one leg over her knee as she readjusted her tight T-shirt. “I wasn’t going to drink it anyway. It was for Wolf.”

Shit. I opened my mouth—

“I’m telling him you stole his beer, no matter what.”

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