Page 60 of Jax

I stared at him. What would he need more time for? To find an excuse for whatever he felt obliged to give me just because we had sex once and then a bit of play just now? Or did it mean something more?

“Stop thinking about it.” Jax shook his head at me and pulled his finger away from my mouth. The faint scent of me lingered on my lips.

I tried to curb my thoughts. It lasted a moment, maybe, but the silence between us heightened my anxiety.

“I always wondered where you’d end up…,” I said aloud, my mind beginning to wander back to those days when I would come across a saddle Jackson used to use, or the fence that he always perched on, or the smell of the lavender plants that bloomed in the meadows where he would nap in the middle of the afternoon, a piece of grass twiddled between his teeth and tongue. “You always seemed as if you’d be carried away by the wind one day. As if you were just waiting to catch flight and run free....” The rustle of the hay crackled in my ears as I turned to look at the man beside me. My damp hair, clinging to the sweat on my skin, stayed glued to my face, as I studied the side of his still features. The cut edge of his jaw and nose, the slight crook that was never there before, the roughness and sharpened cheekbones that hadn’t been as prominent back when he was Jackson.

His dark lashes fluttered as his eyes roamed across the ceiling above, seemingly thoughtful with my words.

“I’d always thought that you wouldn’t be able to give up the horses…,” I whispered, watching the tick of his jaw in the hollow of his cheek. My hand moved without consent as it reached up and pressed against his warm skin. He flinched, stilling under my touch. But he didn’t stop me. Not as my fingers felt the pulse of the muscle beneath the rough skin, sprouts of facial hair beginning to prick the tips of my fingers. “They were your passion. Your drive. Even as much as you wanted to deny it… I always thought you’d return to them someday….”

I let my hand fall back down to the bed of hay, and Jax’s head turned to follow it before looking up and meeting my gaze. He was frowning at me. Whether hurt or just sad, I couldn’t tell what my words meant to him.

“I was surprised when I found out you were part of a biker gang,” I continued, and for a moment, I saw Jax’s expression flinch.

“Club,” he corrected, eyes stern. “Not gang.”

“Right.” I nodded. I forgot how much he didn’t like that.

“How did you find me anyway?” Jax returned, eyes now curious and lighter than they once had been. I wondered what he was thinking; his expression betrayed nothing. He was as elusive as he always was since we had been kids.Glad to know the annoying things hadn’t changed.

His question, however, brought back a heavy reminder. My mind traveled back to why I came here in the first place. How on my journey, I had been given a horrible reality check into how Jackson had become Jax.

“You were on the news last year,” I whispered, my confidence slipping and gaze falling too, unable to look him in the eyes. “You tried to kill a girl… poisoned her during a shootout with a rival—”

A rough, calloused finger stopped my lips, harsh and terse against my skin. My eyes looked up to meet him, a deep frown overshadowing his eyes before he propped himself onto an elbow to look down over me.

“That’s a misunderstanding,” he replied. “We went there to save that girl. She was caught in the crossfire and the police showed up. She had been poisoned by the other side, not ours. Since my club were the last ones there, it was either I get arrested or her old man. If he got arrested there would’ve been nobody at her side when she woke up at the hospital. It was an easy decision.”

A wave of relief flooded me like a geyser had broken open inside of my chest as I expelled a deep, sharp breath. I hadn’t realized how much I had become entangled with that information, unsure what to think and only believing the worst. I felt a pang of guilt for not having faith, but it was outweighed by the joy I felt in finding out the truth. Although the whole story about the shootout with the rival club being confirmed by him did pluck a nerve, I chose to ignore it. For now.

“Was she all right in the end? The girl I mean?”

“Married my best friend. Her old man is Hunter. Had baby number two a few months ago. Little sweet girl called Freya. Looks just like her momma.” Jax gave a beaming smile, the natural, beautiful way he used to, not forced or faked… but genuine. They were rare when he was younger, and the sight of it now had me sighing on the inside, a smile mirroring my own lips.

“Sounds like she’s already got you wrapped around her little finger,” I chuckled, unable to help seeing anything past the beaming uncle face of his. He always had a soft spot for kids and I could understand the allure of their innocence.

“Yeah, and every other brother in the club. Girl’s spoiled.”

I didn’t doubt he was the one spoiling her the most.

“Poor girl won’t dare get a boyfriend,” I teased and watched as in a matter of seconds, his face went from proud to downright deadly.

“That’s not going to happen.”

I burst out laughing at his reaction, the throbbing pain in my side beginning to make its reappearance at the jerking of my chest muscles. “That poor girl,” I wheezed between breaths. “I would love to meet her one day.”

I said it with a light heart, but it was just as the words slipped from my mouth Jax’s expression shut down. His deadly aura or his joyful one was present… there was nothing except a look of caution on his face at my words. A look of… defensiveness?

He didn’t want to let me in.

He didn’t want me there.

“What about you?” Jax replied with sudden normality.Did that moment really happen?

“What about me?”

“I always thought you’d be settled down now. Married, kids of your own. You’ve always been a family person.” He shrugged, the causal gesture distracting his gaze away for a moment, allowing me just enough time to hide my reaction. It struck an iron core deep inside and it took everything not to reveal it.

---