Page 42 of Jax

I turned my back, reaching for the door handle.

“Then get to know me.”

“What?” I turned. The sound of my hair brushing against leather touched my ears. He stood so close I only had to lean forward to touch him. I hadn’t heard him move.

With the coolness of dusk surrounding us, I felt the heat of his skin, smelled the dry, crisp scent of his clothes, tasted his musky warmth on my damp lips. His dark eyes caught just enough of the porch light to give them an almost golden luminescent glow.

“The reason you don’t know me, Ronnie, is because you haven’t tried to. Ever since you’ve been here the only person you’ve been looking for is Jackson. You’re looking for the boy who caved to the pressure of his parents, who couldn’t decide anything for his own, who was the good little soldier boy everyone wanted him to be. Even you. But Jackson’s not here anymore, Ronnie. I am. AsJax. Getting to know me is all up to you, Ronnie, because when I got that phone call and I realized how close you came to being hurt, it scared me. While you were looking for someone who is no longer here, I’ve been pretending the past you didn’t exist either. But unlike me, you are the same annoying, little shadow you’ve always been. Because if I accepted you were still the same girl… I knew I couldn’t hate you anymore. Knew I couldn’t hold onto the pain of what you did to me. But no matter how much I tried to ignore that you still matter to me…I couldn’t. I’ve been pushing you out, not letting you get close but… I don’t want to push you out any longer.”

“But, Jax—”

Jax held up his hand, stopping my breath.

“No buts. I’ve seen too many of my brothers be stupid over stuff like this, and you’re important to me, Ronnie. I want you to know the real me.” He gave me that typical, quirky smile and it transformed his face into something I didn’t realize I had been craving until now. “What d’ya say? Truce?”

He extended his long, inked hand, palm facing up toward me, eyes never leaving mine.

I stood looking at him for what felt like the longest moment before I looked down to see callouses and slight scars I had never seen before, to the tattoos I saw spreading down his forearm and up the biceps I had never felt before.

Did I want this? Did I want to get to know Jax? What if I didn’t like what I learned?

I won’t be here forever.

The thought was a wave of cold as I stared down at his hand, almost seeing through it to the future I knew was coming, and from the inevitability that even if Jax wanted to keep me in his life even if he got to know me… I couldn’t stay.

Knowing all of this, I knew I couldn’t get in deep. And shaking his hand would do that.

I won’t do it.

I won’t give in.

I don’t want this.

But I do.

I want this more than the sky is blue. More than the oceans are vast. And more than sun shines. Will I regret this?

I took his hand.

His huge one enclosed my smaller one, knowing that I would most likely, one day, regret it.

But it was too late now, and I said the one word that would no doubt doom both of our fates.

“Truce.”

* * *

By the time the sun was rising, light was casting a dawning gold into blue dusk sky, and crops crested with an ethereal glow in the back field, it felt as if everything was as new as the coming day. The dark I’d been in last night was now just beginning to brighten as my world and sight expanded into Jax’s.

I held the coffee cup to my face and thought about everything that was floating around in my mind.

I learned a lot after Jax’s proposal of truce. For over an hour, Jax and I sat on the bench on the back porch as he first and foremost explained everything that had gone on involving the so-called Black Jacks, a Russian group of mercenaries that the Black Angels had nearly wiped out during a conflict with some powerful English guy, instigating a war of revenge last year. They had tried to track down the last of them to clear the threat they posed, leading to my eventful encounter with one of the worst last night.

He hadn’t given the full details; there were things Jax was censoring, but I didn’t push, knowing what I was getting was already privy information if the looks cast through window from the group in the kitchen was any indication. They had looked at me with caution and I could see they didn’t trust me thus far, and I couldn’t blame them.

I discovered that the bond Jax had with his brothers was one of mutual respect and care. They were a tight-knit group of brothers beyond blood. Knowing what lengths they would go to defend one of their own was beautiful in a raw, primal kind of way.

The door beside me creaked and I looked up to see Jax coming through it. He squinted at the dawning sunshine before turning to me, the light dancing off the curls of his mussed hair and dark lashes.

---