Page 112 of Jax

Just five small words. That was all it took to make my world come crumbling down.

“You didn’t turn it on, did you?” The sudden rush of anxiety took over. I lunged myself at him, my hand diving for the lapel of his cut. “Please tell me you didn’t turn it on!”

Jax pulled at my wrists, moving me away in a gentle yet firm push before stepping away from me. “Why didn’t you tell me, Ronnie?” Jax shook his head, brow knitted together even tighter as his face screamed at the lack of comprehension from my actions.

“You really don’t understand?”

Now it was my turn to be confused. I stared, gobsmacked, at the man who looked as if he were innocent of any sin. As if he didn’t even know why I couldn’t tell him. Why I had to hide this from him. Why it was the one thing I couldn’t be honest with him about.

“No, Ronnie. Why—”

“Because you abandoned me!” The scream was sharp and burst from my lips as if from nowhere. It had risen from somewhere deep and dark inside of me, a well in the depth of my soul that I had spent the last eight years of my life pretending didn’t exist. But now… it was overflowing. “I was all alone, Jax! I had to survive. I learned that I couldn’t trust anyone. That nobody had my back, and nobody ever would.”

“But what about now?” Jax shouted back, his boot taking a heavy, weighted step forward. “Do these last few months mean nothing to you? Have I not proven enough already that I wanted to mend things with you? That we can be—”

“Just like before?” I cut him off, aware of the sarcastic venom dripping from the words. “You think I would be able to just waltz back in here and confess every single bad thing that has happened to me and that you would be able to make things right for me? You didn’t even want to see me. You didn’t even care when I turned up here. Who’s to say you wouldn’t abandon me at any second?”

“It’s not like that now, Ronnie!” Jax ran a hand through his knotted dark hair, tugging on the mass, his lip pulling at the movement in a short snarl. “You know you can trust me now. You could have told me—”

“Told you what? That my life was a mess. That I became an empty shell, surviving day by day in a loveless marriage where I was useful only for bearing children. My mind had been so trampled on that the only real time I felt alive was when I could pretend to run away on my best friend’s back. When I could pretend that, one day, you’d come back for me!”

“You really married?” Jax paused, the tension in his shoulders seeming to sink as the words set in.

“Don’t sound so surprised, Jax,” I accused. “If you saw the phone, you saw the ring too.”

Jax didn’t flinch.

I stood my ground, my face beginning to ache from the tight pull of my brows as I stared at him in disbelief. “You think I spent forever waiting for you to come back? Pining over the boy who had never glanced in my direction for even a single moment?”

“But I just thought—”

“I waited at first,” I cut him off, my eyes dropping to the piles of clothes scattered around on the wooden floor. My eyes stared holes into them, but I wasn’t looking at them. I was looking into the past. To the girl whose head turned at the sound of a motor on the road, waiting for a dark-haired man to come to her rescue. To the girl who chased every storm as if the rain that took the boy away might bring him back to her. To the girl who thought her world wouldn’t turn without him there.

That pathetic girl….

“I thought what I did to you was wrong. That I betrayed you. That it was all my fault that you left. I spent the last eight years believing I committed the sin, and I sent you away. And I regretted it.” I shook my head, the clothes wobbling in front of my vision. “To think it took this long to realize that I wasn’t the one at fault. I didn’t scare you off or send you away.Youabandonedme….”

“Ronnie—” I heard the hoarse croak in Jax’s voice, but I didn’t look up.

“It’s all your fault,” I whispered. “Not mine.”

“Ro—”

“You never came back,Jackson.” I turned, lifting my head to see him. My tears rolled down my hot cheeks, and I let them fall from my chin to the floor, staring at the face of the man I had spent years waiting for. My hero. My savior. My everything. I didn’t recognize it because this was not Jackson. He stopped being Jackson the moment he turned his back on me. “And you never will.”

Tears rolled down the edges of his cheeks. This fearless, reckless man who rode his bike faster than anyone would dare and wouldn’t hesitate to take a bullet was standing helpless and silent in my presence.

The sin of his past.

“I think I’ve said enough for tonight,” I breathed, my mind numb. Whether it was from the stress, the pain, and the heartache, it didn’t matter; they all became one heavy weight on my shoulders. “Goodnight, Jax.”

I turned, grabbed a pile of my clothes, and stared down at my moving feet as they carried me down the stairs, out the house, and over to the barn.

Max stared at me with unmoving eyes as I entered. Judging me quietly.

You said too much.

“I don’t need your judgment tonight, okay?” I snapped, earning a huff and a grunt from Max as she turned to face away from me.

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