* * *
The drive homehad felt like a funeral precession. It had been long and quiet as wave after wave of guilt hit me like a horrible, churning sickness as Wolf sat next to me in a cold silence. He was bristling with anger or annoyance, I didn’t know which, but when I reached for his hand, I felt his body tense under my touch. And when he didn’t respond to the action, it felt as if a great cavern opened between the twoofus.
Hitting my problems head-on had always been my style. But this? With Wolf? This made me feel like meekly going to hide in a corner ofshame.
Fuck, I knew what I did was wrong, but calling Charon had been the only possible action. Ash had the sharpest instincts I knew. I couldn’t risk spooking her off. She was too close to get away from the Black Jacks now that she was in town. The only choice was for the Black Angels to come andprotecther.
Ash.
I shook my head, wanting to growl my irritation at her stupid act. I couldn’t believe she fucking shot him. Well, Ash had always been defensive when it came to me, and although her reaction was one of the most extreme reactions she’s had, it wasn’t the most unpredictable. I should have seen itcoming.
Knowing she’d been in the car behind me, only a few feet from me, had made my stomach churn, however. We’d been best friends once upon a time, but after everything that happened, our relationship had changed drastically with Ash dropping offthegrid.
Wolf growled next to me, dragging me out of my uncomfortable thoughts. Kay pinched him in response, earning herself an under-the-breath grumble as she finished stitching his leg up while simultaneously complaining about the messy state of his room, despite half of the clothes tossed aroundweremine.
“You’re just like Roscoe,” Kay grumbled, applying the dressing. “Always leaving his crap everywhere. I had to clean up after him constantly.” She sent me a quick glance, which Iscoffedat.
Hell would freeze over before I’d clean upafterhim.
I looked up at Wolf, wondering if he would make a comment about me, but he didn’t. He just sat in his brooding silence, not even bothering to tell Kay to stop naggingathim.
Sensing the atmosphere, Kay gave up on any attempts to lighten his mood before she left me to my fate, pinning the bandage closed and packing away themedicalkit.
She patted me on my shoulder before heading out, shutting the doorbehindher.
“Wolf—” I began, steppingtowardhim.
“Don’t, Anna,” he cut me off, standing to put his jeans on and fastening his belt. He sat back down on the bed once it was done, pulling on his socks and boots before dropping his elbows onto his knees and letting his head fall into the palm of hishands.
He was quiet for a long time, and I didn’t know what happened to my courage, but I couldn’t find it in me to interrupt hissilence.
“How could you do it?” Wolf’s voice startled me. It was low and graveled, so quiet I thought I misheard him the first time until he went on to clarify. “How could you do thattome?”
He looked up, his dark hair falling in front of his face as he shook his head at me, disappointment and even a hint of disgust engraved into every pore of his face. His lips flinched with a snarl as he met my eyes. “You faked your own kidnapping to make sure my reaction looked real.” He rose from the bed, and with it, his voice. “You made my heart stop in my chest, you put me through hell, just so I looked the part.” He took a step toward me, his raised voice snapping into a bellow as he screamed in my face, “You put methroughhell!”
“Wolf,I—”
“No!” he snapped. “You don’t get to make up excuses. Fuck, you don’t even get to try and explain yourself for what you fucking did to me.” He ran a hand through his hair, almost tearing a chunk from his scalp as he paced in anger. His chest heaved out in loud growls as his anger continued to rise and rise until itpeaked.
“You don’t get to do that to me!” he continued, my body flinching at his every shout. “You don’t get to play with my feelings like that! Not after Sasha. Not after what happenedtoyou.”
I felt like I had shrunk into the smallest piece of scum in the world, the guilt grabbing me by the throat and choking me. I felt worse than horrible, the feeling making me sick and disgusted to be in my own skin as I watched the man that I loved hurt right in front of me, knowing I did thistohim.
He looked torn, his eyebrows pinched together in painful despair, but his lips pulled back with vicious anger. “I love you, Anna, but fuck, I can’t do this,” he said at last, his voice broken andquiet.
My heartdropped.
“Wolf,” I whimpered, stepping forward, reachingforhim.
He stepped out of my reach. “You don’t understand, Anna.” Wolf shook his head at me, his eyes glistening under the light, his vulnerability exposed to me like fragile glass. “You’re it for me... You’re my last chance. If something were to happen to you, there’s no way I could go on. Not for this club, not even for my brothers. Not if you’re not therewithme.”
I grasped his hand, and this time he didn’t pull away. He let me tug it toward me, wrapping my other hand around it and squeezing. “I understand,” I whispered, my body shaking through the emotions, my eyes burning with the need to cry though I lacked the ability to. “I’m so sorry, Wolf. Shit, I’m sorry.” My head fell against his warm chest, his heart pounding beneath his ribs and my own beating almostinsync.
I stood there for what felt like an eternity, waiting for the moment he was going to pushmeaway.
Then I felt his hand thread through the hair at the back of my head, holding me close, and a sob of relief tore through my chest. He bent down, his head dropping into the crook of my neck as he pulled me against him. “Never do that to meagain.”
“I won’t,” I breathed, pulling him closer, breathing in the old smoke, whiskey, and everything I knew to be home, wondering how on earth I even dared to risklosingit.