Page 2 of Letters to Satan

“An adverse reaction?” he chokes out in a laugh. “That’s a hell of a diplomatic way to say they spontaneouslycombust—”

My tail wedges between his lips, cutting off his words as he suddenly gags and shoots a piercing glare in my direction. “Again, a regrettable side effect that couldn’tpossiblyhave been predicted.”

He fists my tail and yanks it away from his mouth, and I wipe it clean on his shirt. “It happened in literally every single test subject—”

“Completelyunforeseeable!” I raise my voice, narrowing my eyes and daring him to say anything else on the matter.

So, there was a little charred fur?

A couple of minor explosions that resulted in some disgusting cleanup?

It was all in the name of progress, and I’m nothing if not a progressive Lucifer. “The point is, the troublemakers have calmed down since they know they can be tracked.”

And since, y’know, the burn wards are still full.

Completely unrelated, I assure you.

Xalreth still glares. “And don’t get me started on the curse cloud thatcontinuesto roam the east side of Hell.”

“Oh, that insignificant thing? Nothing more than a minor nuisance. The victims’ eyeballs are growingback, after all,” I argue, irritated that he is making such a giant deal about such puny little nuances.

My eyes narrow as I lean forward, and he could win awards with the level of boredom he’s displaying. “You’re a pain in my ass, Xalreth. What am I paying you for if not to agree with me?”

“You aren’t paying me; I sold my soul to the devil, remember?”

“Bah,” I bark, swatting him away, “details. You know you love it here with me.”

Xalreth’s mouth twitches in what might be the start of a grin as he shakes his head. The unspoken truth between us is that we are each other’s closest companions, even if we never openly acknowledge it. The nearest thing to friendship in either of our lives. “Yes, sir… of course I do, sir.”

“Oh, fuck all the way off,” I mutter, glancing at the three letters before me. My fingers drum against the surface before I snatch the red and white striped monstrosity and tap it against the desktop. “Who’s my best portal crafter?”

Xalreth taps his chin thoughtfully, a slight frown creasing his forehead. “It was Amon, but he’s staying in the human realm now.”

“Humans,” I mutter, voice rightfully disgusted. “Gods, they’re just so…gross, soft and smelly and weak with those freaky ass bellybuttons… falling in love and wanting to be…” A visible shudder moves up my spine as I force the word out. “Hap… hap…happy.”

“After him, Marissa would be your safest bet.”

I nod, reclining in my chair and staring past Xalreth with a grin forming on my mouth. “Get Marissa… and Cherise, as well.”

As he gives a slight bow, his brow arches in question. “What need do you have for the royal tailor?”

I gesture at my naked torso and lightweight pants. “I can’t make a trip to the North Pole wearing this, now, can I?”

“Oh, mercy, this is fuckingmarvelous!” I twirl in front of the mirror, admiring the intricate details of the coat that Cherise crafted. The fur is luxurious, long and thick, gleaming black with an iridescent sheen like an oil slick, while the hood is so large it can cover my eyes and has plenty of space for my horns. The coat hits past my hips, reaching mid-thigh, and has theperfectkick pleat in the back for a dramatic spin.

“It is crafted from the highest quality Cerberus fur and enchanted with Pheonix magic. It should keep you very warm, Lucifer, sir.”

With a twirl, I add, “And let’s not forget how fabulous I look,” placing a sassy hand on my hip.

“Oh yes, sir, very fabulous, sir. Themostfabulous,” she agrees, and I narrow my eyes, searching for sarcasm. When she only smiles serenely—as serenely as a demon can, in any case—I nod again.

As she explains each piece of clothing she has crafted for me, I run my fingers over the intricate details. There are several pairs of thick, leather-hide pants, a stack of extra-warm sweaters, and a pair of boots with a fur lining so soft, my toes are ready to cream themselves.

“Those give me a toe-boner,” I announce, and her eyes immediately widen with nerves.

“I’m… so sorry? Sir?”

I wave her off, glancing over my shoulder at my reflection to see how my ass looks through the kick-pleat. “No, no, it’s a good thing… Xalreth!” I shout, and he comes bustling in the door, his solid black eyes wide in the mirror. “Is a toe-boner a good thing?”

---