Page 38 of Letters to Satan

I don’t want to beme, not anymore.

“Pitchfork,” I whisper, and Nik becomes perfectly still behind me. He could be a marble statue, not even a twitch of his fingers for a few long breaths.

He eases the toy from me and slams it onto the table beside my face with such force the metal surface dents under his fist. The suction cup grabs and I stare at the dildo swinging like a metronome before me.

“But do you know what my biggest mistake was, Damien?”

“Nik—” I plead, eyes stinging as his mitt of a hand keeps me in place, my cheek grinding into the cold metal.

“My biggest mistake was not slamming the door in your face the minute I saw who darkened my doorstep. I should’ve run, should’ve told you to go back to the pits of Hell where you belong, but instead, I welcomed you into my home. Let myself believe you couldcare.”

“Nik,” I beg, “Please, Nik, I care, I do.”I care so fucking much.His imposing presence backs away from my body, and I’m left a whimpering mess, pants around my ankles, dildo waving in the wind beside me.

“Don’t leave me,” I whisper, hot tears blurring my vision, but even I know it’s too late for that. It's a silly request from a silly man, and he pays it no mind. Without a word, Niklaus turns and flings the dooropen, storming out into the workshop and leaving me here. Alone.

Always alone.

My legs fail and I crumble to the ground, curling into a ball and hugging my knees to my chest. Exposed to the world in more ways than one, I don’t have the energy to care anymore. I sense Xalreth’s presence as he runs into the room, but all I can manage is to hug tighter and do something I haven’t done in my many long years in this life.

I cry.

Chapter 13

Niklaus

Thud. Thud. Thud.

The incessant knocking on my door jars between my ears like a bomb, and I stare into the fireplace, wondering if they’ll find their answer in my silence and leave.

“Sir?” Cadbury calls from the other side, and I sigh, because I’ve known him long enough to realize that hoping he’ll walk away unanswered is no better than wishing the snow outside would turn to sandy beaches. He’s a persistent shit. As if to drive the point home, he knocks again. “Sir, I know you’re in there, and I’ve brought yourdinner. May I enter?”

With a deep, drawn-out sigh to voice my displeasure, I open the door, and he offers me a tentative smile, carrying a tray loaded with a thick stew and fresh bread. “Thanks,” I say, the word barely more than a grunt as he sets it on the table.

“Sit,” he commands, and I raise my brow at his tone. “With all the respect owed to your position,” Cadbury leans forward and grabs my arm with a soft squeeze, “and as yourfriend, I’m telling you to take a few minutes and have dinner. You’ve hardly touched your food in two days, and you haven’t spoken a word to anyone.”

Two days.

It’s been two long, painful days since Damien ripped my fucking heart in half. Two days since I realized he’d been leading me on the whole time, toying with my affections like they were nothing more than a piece of paper for him to crumble in his fist and toss into the trash. Forty-eight hours of restless energy and no sleep and grasping for solutions to my problem that I can’t seem to find.

For the first time in history, Santa won’t be ready for Christmas.

What a fucking failure I’ve turned out to be.

Golden crust crunches between my thumb and pointer finger as I tear off a piece of bread, dunking it into the rich broth and watching as it seeps into the soft middle. I shove the bite into my mouth, recognizing the texture and flavor of the food, but it’s still barely more than ash on my tongue.

The swallow I force is a struggle, the bread taking a few tries to find its way down. “They are gone?” I finally ask, my voice rough with lack of use.

“Yes, sir. The Lu—” My eyes snap to his and he abruptly pauses before clearing his throat, apology written in his grimace. “I watched them step through the portal myself, sir.”

“And the elves that were involved?”

“They’ve been taken off the workforce and isolated to their quarters for now, until you decide what is to be done with them.” This is the part of the job that I’m no good at, because no matter how much their betrayal hurts, I don’t want them punished.

Not how I want to see him punished, I think, and my hand flies to my chest as I rub at the phantom pain there. What sort of idiot have I turned out to be, falling for someone who could so clearly never actually love me back?

Thinking I could tame the Devil himself.

My nostrils flare as the wildfire of my anger threatens to take over once again, but I quell it, pushing it down until it’s nothing but an ember. “What do you think I should do with them, Caddy?”

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