Page 40 of Raising Hell: MMF Edition

“She’s going to find out, Cas. What then?”

And what a fucking question. What do we do when Ruby realizes that the spell she cast is fading? When she finds out that her command over us is slipping, and that our tether to this realm weakens every day?

What do we do when the compulsion to return to Hell becomes too much?

“Keep searching, Amon, there has to be a—”

All at once, we both sit up straighter, and my hand clutches my heart at the sudden ache that registers. Our eyes meet again, full of concern.

Ruby.

Chapter 18

Amon

My knuckles rap against the door, not seeking permission but warning that I’m entering. Ruby’s head pops up from her pillow, red-rimmed and misty. She’s defeated, something I haven’t witnessed since the first few days after she summoned me.

The impact of her sadness almost knocks me back, pinching at my heart in a way I’ve never experienced.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, lowering myself onto the bed beside her.

“Oh, Amon,” she sobs, throwing herself at me as I stare at the top of her head in shock. I’ve always struggled with this—showing affection and caring for others. My discomfort is pushed aside as I wrap my arms around her, letting my fingertips glide along her spine.

Cas studies me as he drops onto her other side, curling against her back as she reaches for his hand. “Talk to us, baby,” he whispers into her hair, pushing it out of her face and rakinghis nails against her scalp. Once again, I’m hit with a potent rush of inadequacy that makes me feel like I’m invading on a private moment, but I push it aside.

Ruby wants me here. She needs my comfort.

“It’s stupid,” she whispers, a hiccup interrupting her words.

“Anything that hurts you could never be stupid,” I say, and Cas nods his agreement. She’s quiet for a long time, refusing to share what upsets her because of the misguided fear of judgement.

Something deep inside me thrashes, needing to take away her pain.

My chest tightens, pulse rapid-firing as I muster my courage. If I want her to open up, I have to be willing to do the same, even if the words are whispered. “I left because I was scared.”

“What?” She twists her head to me with those sorrowful, mossy eyes that pierce my heart.

“That day in the bedroom, you asked why I left the kitchen. You said you could sense that I was upset, and I walked out.” Her eyes never leave me as she nods.

“You and Cas are effortless together, Ruby… you always have been. I watched as you both laughed and talked, and it was a reminder of what I could never offer. You made it seem so easy, so fucking simple, but I felt like an outsider.” I turn away, unable to hold her gaze as I finish my thought. “I was jealous.”

“Throughout my entire life, I have kept everyone at arm’s length, never seeking or desiring anyone’s affection or approval. Even with the soft spot I’ve always had for Cas, our relationship was clearly defined. There were never any blurred lines or confusion.” I force myself to look at her. “Not until you.”

Her lips wobble in a tiny tremble as I plant a gentle kiss on them. “And then this maddeningly innocent humansummoned me to Earth, and she was kind and sweet and had a soul so beautiful it made me question everything I’ve ever done.”

Cas meets my eyes from beyond her. His usual devil-may-care attitude has vanished, replaced by an unwavering attention that is laser-focused on me. Ruby’s voice wobbles as she says, “Sounds pretty amazing,” and I blow a laugh through my nose.

“The most amazing.” The half smile on my face fades as my demeanor becomes somber once more. “Ever since we got here, you’ve been chipping away at the walls that guarded my heart for centuries, and that was the day the first crack formed. The first time I’d ever wantedmore.Suddenly, these intense emotions were flooding into this tiny hole in my defenses, and I was drowning. I had no idea how to handle what I felt for you… both of you.” My cheeks burn as I meet both their eyes, but there’s no judgement.

Cas whispers my name, but I shake my head and drop my gaze to the blankets.

“None of it makes any sense to me. It has been mere weeks since I met you, Ruby, and Cas has been a constant presence in my life for decades, as nothing more than afling. I was afraid to lower my guard, and you still came back to me. Why did you always come back?”

It’s a rhetorical question, one that doesn’t require an answer, but Cas tries. “Amon,” he says again, his voice turning urgent.

I shake my head, powering forward before I talk myself out of it. “How can my feelings for both of you consume me so completely? It’s all so fucking confusing. I’m a demon—a creature crafted from the very fire of Hell.”

Cas rolls his eyes at that, muttering something that sounds like, “Dramatic much?”

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