Page 19 of Raising Hell

The playful expression on his face fades, replaced by a seriousness that rarely shows itself. His typical light-hearted goofiness is something I’ve come to love, and it’s another stab at my heart to see him without it. “All joking aside, I care about you—deeply. You must know that, don’t you?”

“I do,” I say, still quiet.

Full of caution, he walks over and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into the warmth of his broad chest. I glance up, resting my chin against his sternum and taking in the gorgeous planes of his face. Cheekbones so sharp they should be illegal catch the light in just the right way, and his thick lashes spider across his cheeks as they flutter.

He’s so fucking beautiful.

Eyes darting between mine, he hesitates before he closes the distance and plants a gentle kiss on my lips. “Hold on to that,” he whispers against my mouth. “Don’t forget it, okay? Promise me?”

“I promise.” He leans in once more, giving me another lingering kiss as I realize this is goodbye.

“Have you changed your mind about sex before we do this? I am very good at it.” Even before I see his face, I recognize the smile in his voice. I swat at his back, and a deep, rich gunshot blast of a laugh leaves him. The realization that I’ll never hear it again weighs heavily on my chest. “That’s a no, then?” he asks, still grinning as I shake my head, snapping out of my funk.

“Raincheck,” I tell him, with just a touch of emotion shaking my voice.

He frowns and walks to the window, glancing outside. “There is no rain.”

A giggle slips from my throat as he glances over his shoulder at me, the lean muscles in his back flexing with the motion. “No, a raincheck is a promise to do it later because we can’t right now.”

His eyes darken, and his tongue traces a path across his lips. “Do not make promises you have no intention of keeping, Rory.”

A sudden shiver runs down my spine at the deep timbre of his voice, and he steps into my space again, running his palms over my arms and watching as goosebumps rise in their wake. He doesn’t wait for a response, probably doesn’t even expect one, just leans in and gives me another breath-stealing kiss.

More of my sanity dissolves as he pulls back and offers me a soft smile, before moving to grab the ingredients off the table.

This is the right decision…

Isn’t it?

Heart thundering in my chest, I try to keep my cool as I follow, wordlessly helping him to finish setting up the spell. It beats louder, more insistent, with every piece of the puzzle we assemble, and by the time we’re done, it gallops like a herd of wild horses inside me.

They want to break free, and I want to let them.

But this… this is what I have to do.

Iknowthat.

The draught is placed at the center of the summoning circle, and I move to stand at the bottom of the rune, in the exact same spot as last time.

“It will work better if you kneel,” Cas says, peeking at me from where he’s reviewing the spell again.

“I wasn’t kneeling when I summoned you,” I point out, but he shakes his head.

“Your spell didn’t work out how you expected it to, either. The closer you are to the circle, the more power your words will have.”

Nodding, I glance at the worn, dusty floor of the attic and drop to my knees. “Does it matter where you stand?”

“No,” he says, and my heart pinches at the regret I hear in his voice.

“Alright…” I draw in a deep breath, running my palms across my jeans and wiping away the collecting sweat. The alarm on my phone beeps, and I glance over my shoulder at Cas standing there. I take time to memorize his face, his sculpted body, and… yes, the anaconda pushing itself against the crotch of his thin sweatpants.

There is only so much restraint a man can muster.

“Ready?” he asks, gentle in a way that defies his demon nature.

No.“Yes.” Hands shaking, I turn to face the circle, bringing the piece of paper with the spell written on it closer so I don’t miss a word. I ensure my sneezing instinct is at bay before I clear my throat and before I can change my mind, before I can turn to him and beg him to stay, to bemine, I force myself to say the words with perfect clarity. “Da mihi carmen ad me felicem cum Amon.”

The deafening silence doesn’t take me by surprise this time, and neither does the red light that swallows the room. Icyfear that’s beyond my control grips me as the ground trembles, voicing its protest to the tidal wave of magic. I close my eyes and pull in a deep, jagged inhale, trying to ignore the anguished mourning of the loss of my demon.

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