Page 126 of The Devil's Pawn

While the time passes, I’m not sure which one I’m praying for.

How cruel of the universe to give someone two choices that can’t share the same space. If I am pregnant, I have to give up Alexander to keep my child.

I feel sick at the thought.

I’m pulling on a pair of jeans when he appears at the doorway to my closet. His hair is disheveled where he must have raked his fingers through it, and he’s still pale as chalk.

“Carter will be here in half an hour.”

“Right.” I fasten my jeans, but as I pass him, he grabs my elbow.

“Talk to me.”

I swallow. “What do you want me to say? You’ve made it clear what your position is. And I was happy to go along with it, because it was the only way I got to have you. But if I am pregnant, I won’t have an abortion. I think it’s important to make that clear.”

He lets me go, shoving his hand into his thick hair again. “I don’t understand how this happened. Carter told me the chance of you falling pregnant were almost zero.”

“There’s a lot of weight in that wordalmost, isn’t there? Nothing is one hundred percent certain, or so it seems.” But he looks so bewildered that I have a violent urge to lessen his load somehow. “Maybe you’ve got super sperm.”

A spike of hope races through me when he offers a faint hint of a smile.

“I’ll have a cape made.”

“You should.” I rest a hand on his arm. “Let’s not worry until it’s confirmed we have something to worry about.”

I leave him to dress, and once he has, we head to his study to wait for the doctor. Alexander’s fidgety, and I can almost see the cogs turning in his brain, searching for a way out from the horrific—to him at least—situation he finds himself in.

What if he forces an abortion somehow? Poisons my food or sedates me without my knowledge? He could do it all too easily, and he’s made no secret of his views on children.

No. We’ve come so far. If I am pregnant, there has to be a way through for us.There has to be.And if he sticks to his red line, then I’ll raise the child alone. I won’t ask him for anything, but I refuse to abort my child.

I’m already coming around so fast to the idea of being a mother that if the test is negative, it’ll crush me. I would never have gotten pregnant on purpose, but the idea that I might be makes me want to hug myself and dance around the room.

I won’t. That would send Alexander right over the edge. He’s having his worst nightmare come true while I’m bursting with joy.

When Doctor Carter arrives, he’s paler than Alexander.The poor man probably thinks he’ll be hung, drawn, and quartered if my test comes back positive, and considering what I know of Alexander, it’s possible he might.

My husband dispenses with the social civilities and jabs a finger in my direction. “Test her.”

Hands shaking, the doctor reaches into his bag and pulls out a box. It’s similar to the hundreds of off-the-shelf pregnancy test kits I’ve seen in many stores. He hands it over.

“If this comes back positive, we’ll take some bloods and send them off to confirm the pregnancy. Although these tests are very reliable.”

“And if it’s negative?” I ask.

“That’s up to you.” He shoots a nervous glance at Alexander, who glares at the man with such venom, he starts to tremble. “I can still do a blood test, especially if your period is late and you’re concerned. Or we can wait and see what happens.”

I take the box from him. “So, I, what? Pee on the stick and wait?”

“That’s about it.”

“How long?”

“Three minutes.”

“Right.” As I close the door to the bathroom adjoining Alexander’s office, the shouting begins.

“What the fuck, Carter? You’d better start coming up with some answers.”

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