Page 51 of Crossover

My pain would always come first to him, wouldn’t it? How was I supposed to hold on to my resentment toward him with that knowledge?

I looked down, twisting my hands together.

“Just a nightmare.” I shook my head. “I used to have them all the time.”

Grayson’s voice tensed. “This brought it all back,” he deduced. “The attempted kidnapping when you were thirteen.”

I didn’t deny it.

When I raised my gaze, I was surprised to see how much his face had hardened into sharp lines of anger.

“He’ll pay for what he did, Ivy. Mark my words.”

But I wasn’t thinking about my would-be kidnapper. My thoughts, my heart, were consumed by one person, and seeing him now reaffirmed just how complicated this was.

It was easier to hate him.

It was harder to still love him.

Because there was no way I could ever explore a relationship with my father’s killer. No matter the circumstances.

Yet, in his presence, that logic threatened to blur, and I feared that if he wrapped his arms around me, I might not be able to push him away.

“I asked you to leave, Grayson.” Could he hear the trembling in my voice? Could he hear the part of my heart that was scared he would listen?

“Red can’t be on guard twenty-four/seven,” he said. “He needs a shift to sleep.”

He was right; why hadn’t I thought of that? Poor Red. This was…so unfair to both him and Grayson. In fact, if it weren’t for my mother’s safety, I would leave right now.

“I’ve got Barry looking into Daniel,” Grayson assured me. “As soon as we prove that he’s behind this, that he’s guilty, it will all be over.”

But in this charged air between us, with grief and longing clashing, I knew it wasn’t that simple.

“How long do you think it will take?” My voice was so soft, I wondered if he could even hear it.

“I don’t know.”

I didn’t, either, but standing here now, fighting through the battle of my emotions for Grayson, one thing became clear. Heaven and hell now existed in the same space. While my heart still longed for him and I still felt this live-wire electricity between us, I also felt something completely different.

“I can’t be near you.” The words scratched my throat. “I can’t ever look at you in the same way. It hurts too much.”

Grayson’s face crumpled for a split second, a flash of raw anguish that felt like a knife to my heart. He quickly tried to rearrange his features, but the pain lingered in his eyes, turning that vibrant gaze into a stormy sea of regret and longing.

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, silence stretching between us, filled with all the things we couldn’t say, the future we’d lost lying shattered at our feet.

I wanted to take the words back, to erase the hurt I’d caused him, but I couldn’t. The truth, as painful as it was, had to be said.

Grayson took a shaky breath, his voice quiet when he finally spoke.

“I understand.” Two simple words that carried the weight of a thousand goodbyes.

A tightness gripped my windpipe.

“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and I understand if you want to pull security,” I said quietly.

“Ivy.” His gaze became a mix of tenderness and determination that made my heart stutter. “I would never do that to you.”

Before I could react, Grayson’s hand moved, and his fingers ghosted along my cheek, featherlight and achingly gentle. The warmth of his touch sent a jolt of warmth down my spine, and my eyes fluttered closed.

---