Page 40 of Crossover

A crease appeared between Jace’s eyebrows.

When I was eleven years old, a monster disguised as a man lurked in the forest outside our home, preparing to cast our family into a fate of unending hell by killing my father.

In Ivy’s life, I was that man in the woods. The monster who stole everything from her.

“Look, I know this is messed up,” Jace said. “But you were just following orders. You believed the man was a violent criminal.”

I welcomed the agony twisting through my intestines.

“But he wasn’t,” I said.

“This is a shock to you and Ivy right now, but maybe in time?—”

“She hates me,” I cut him off, the words tasting like ashes in my mouth.

I deserve for her to hate me.

“Maybe she’ll eventually come around.”

“She won’t.” I snapped my gaze to Jace. “I won’t let her.”

Ivy deserved a man who would bring nothing but happiness and light into her life. Not some screwed-up, broken excuse of a human like me, with my twisted wreckage of a soul. I’d shattered her heart. Even if, someday, somehow, she inconceivably convinced herself she could forgive me, I never would. Maybe I could have, had Alistair been some anonymous man. Maybe I could have eventually come to terms with my good intentions and ignorance to the sinister nature of the assignment. But not when that man was Ivy’s father.

“Then, what are you doing here?”

Jace thought that my being in this hotel bar was evidence that I intended to fight for Ivy’s heart, but he was wrong.

“Getting the courage to leave her behind forever,” I answered.

Because that’s what I needed to do. Walk out those doors and never look back.

“Don’t you think you’re being too hard on yourself?”

No. No amount of agony I could put myself through would ever be enough compared to what Ivy was experiencing.

I eyed my twin, wondering,How could two people who looked so similar be so different?

“You have no idea what this feels like,” I scoffed. “You’ve never caused anyone any pain.” Let alone pain this catastrophic.

Something flicked across Jace’s face, which darkened and fell into what seemed to be despair. He took a long pull of his drink, and then almost to himself, he muttered, “I wish that were true.”

I thought back to the comments he’d made in the car.

“Let’s just say that I’ve had a dark past.”

“We all have our sins and secrets, and mine are better left buried.”

He’d been unwilling to explain what he’d meant by that, and now, as I opened my mouth to ask him, he once again saw the intention in my eyes and cut me off at the pass with a wave of his hand.

“Look,” he said, “I’m sure Hunter’s security team is fantastic. Knowing him, they’re all ninjas or something, but no one cares about Ivy as much as you do.”

Debating letting him off the hook that easily, I took a bigger sip of my drink.

“Would you jump in front of a bullet for her?” Jace asked.

“Without hesitation.”

“Then, don’t you agree that someone who’s that passionate about protecting her gives her the best chance of staying alive?”

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