Page 76 of Crossover

So, here we were. Walking through the thick forest that butted up against our current motel.

After days of being stuck inside a car or tiny room, it was liberating to breathe fresh air and feel the sun’s lingering warmth on my face as it dipped below the horizon, casting the forest into a silver haze of oncoming fog. A truly beautiful scene that should bring me nothing but joy.

But it was difficult to fully appreciate all of that when I felt like my heart was living in hell. Unable to shake my mom’s declaration that I should forgive Grayson, I’d spent five nights staring at the ceiling while her words haunted my soul. I fought against them and rationalized them away, only to realize in the end that she was right.

If I didn’t forgive Grayson, this bitterness would eat me alive. And what I wanted, when all of this was over, was to rebuild my life with a clean emotional slate. But in order to experience the pure love and joy of life again, I needed to let go of my bitterness, resentment, and anger.

I came to a stop, pressing my back against the rough bark of a towering oak. Grayson halted a few paces away, his eyes snapping through the shadows, one hand resting on the pistol at his waist. Always ready, always on guard.

“Back when Daniel told me he had my father killed,” I started, “for a moment there, this…unexpected feeling came over me. Instead of being sad, I felt…relieved that my father had been murdered.”

The admission sent a violent shiver through my body while Grayson’s turmoil-filled gaze locked on mine.

I suppose it was strange, confessing my deepest thoughts to him, but even in the midst of it all, he was the only person who could ever understand.

“The right response to that is horror, disgust, and rage. I mean, what kind of awful human being feels anything other than that?” I drew in a deep breath. “But I’ve spent a year haunted by my father’schoiceto end his life. And for one brief moment, when I thought it hadn’t been his decision…that burden was lifted, and it felt…freeing.”

I drew in a deep pull of oxygen.

“And then I felt like a terrible person for feeling that way, because I would never want my father to have been murdered. I guess it was just easier to accept that his death had been against his will than it was to imagine him embracing it.”

He chose to leave me.

It was such a selfish emotion to have in the wake of what my father went through. And it had happened before I knew why my dad had ended things.

A muscle ticced in Grayson’s cheek. “You’re not a bad person.” His deep voice was rough with restrained emotion. “You’re human. And you wouldn’t be dealing with any of this if it wasn’t for me.”

In that moment, I saw the galaxy of self-loathing in his gaze—how he viewed himself as the darkness to my light, the black hole threatening to swallow me whole.

I pushed off the tree, letting my arms fall to my sides.

“You didn’t,” I interjected. “I’ve…come to realize that much. Daniel did this. If he hadn’t sent you, it would’ve been someone else. And, as it turns out, my dad’s the one that chose to end things. If it didn’t work this way, he’d have found another way eventually.”

I took a deep breath and steeled myself for the words that I thought I’d never say.

“I forgive you, Grayson.”

The words hung in the air between us, heavy and final. His chest rose and fell slowly, jaw clenching as his fists tightened at his sides. For a moment, hope flickered in his face, but I knew I had to extinguish it.

“But I can’t forget what you’ve done.” My voice cracked, betraying the storm raging inside me. “When this is over, I can’t…I can’t ever see you again.”

As the words left my lips, a searing pain lanced through my chest so visceral, it stole my breath. My heart launched into a panic, my throat burning with fresh grief.

I couldn’t imagine not seeing Grayson for the rest of my life. I couldn’t imagine him building a life without me, maybe even with some other woman who’d get to sleep next to him and feel her belly swell with his baby growing inside her. And I couldn’t imagine ever finding someone that would make me feel a fraction of how Grayson made me feel.

And you know what? It wasn’t fair that I had to lose him. I did nothing to deserve this! This wasn’t fair to him or to me, and I hated the damn universe for twisting our fates together so cruelly.

Why couldn’t any other agent have been the one to do this?

I wanted to tell Grayson the reason we shouldn’t see each other after this—that Mom was right when she’d said,“Relationships are hard enough without throwing in the role he played in your father’s death.”While I forgave him, I was scared, because if I were to stay with him, realistically, how could his rolenotcause problems between us in the future? What if I grew to resent him? Grayson didn’t deserve to get in a relationship with that kind of uncertainty between us.

And I couldn’t stay friends with him, either, because no matter how much I fought it, I was still deeply, irrevocably in love with him.

But I didn’t get a chance to explain any of that, because, suddenly, a twig snapped in the underbrush nearby.

Grayson’s head snapped to the side, and he put his palm on his gun while he stepped closer, placing himself squarely between me and the source of the noise.

“Don’t move,” he warned, his voice quiet and urgent.

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