Page 70 of Acid

Something about him not wanting me to get into my head and spend all my time at The Fight.

The problem with Steal being the president of an MC is he wasn’t scared when I threatened to kick his ass; instead, he used the letters Ollie’s been sending me against me because, of course, the man has been sending them to the clubhouse instead of the gym.

Shaking my head at the way Bulldozer trips and falls over the table, causing the brothers to piss themselves laughing, I look down again at the letter in my hand.

I gently trace over my name in his handwriting.

Five whole weeks without him, and I feel lost. Over the years, when we barely spoke, he was still in the background, still watching over me, and I knew it. But now, I’m empty, cold, and not even The Fight can fade the feeling.

Slowly, I open the envelope and pull the letter out, unfolding it, hoping I don’t fall apart like yesterday’s letter, where he explained how he was held down at the age of twelve by his own father, allowing his social worker to ride him. My eyes tear up as I start to read it.

My Tinker,

The nightmares are getting worse, and I’m struggling. Normally, I’d get in the ring for a few hours before heading to the diner to watch you, but I can’t because I’m stuck here.

I don’t know how much more I can take, sweetheart.

The dreams, the nightmares, they feel like reality again. I wake up screaming and shouting. They’re consuming me, Perrie….

A few tears fall, and I wipe them away, the noise from the clubhouse fading in the background.

Every time, the women’s faces change; they become you, and I know it’s because I need you. But I’m not ready to come back yet. I’m not done fighting my demons.

I wish I was. I wish I could say I am magically cured, but I ain’t, Tinker.

I don’t know if I ever will be. It’s consuming me, sweetheart, the pain, and the filth.

I can’t breathe.

I suck in a breath as fear consumes me.

I know I sound like I’m giving up, but I’m not. I just, fuck, Perrie, I miss you so fucking much. Being here without even looking at you makes it hard to breathe, but I know if I leave now, I won’t come back to New York; I’ll go nomad.

“No…” I whisper, agony rising, as I sit up in a panic.

Suddenly, someone shouts, “Where is she?” and I jump before looking near the front door, recognizing the shout.

I take deep breaths, trying to control the panic inside at the thought of Ollie not returning, before I roll my eyes when I see my mother being held back by a prospect, Andrea standing right behind her with yet again her false bump, which, surprise, surprise, is more to the left than it should be.

I’m surprised the bitch didn’t run and hide after what she’s done, because as soon as these men find out, she’s a dead bitch walking.

I shake my head and look down at the letter, ignoring them.

I need to know what else he’s said….

When I was thirteen, Aiden tied me to the bed and allowed three women to do whatever they wanted. I screamed and cried for them to let me go, until that fucker threatened to bring Eli into the mix. I kept quiet after that.

I took their torture; I added more dirt to my body, more filth….

A sob climbs my throat, but I swallow it before Mom shouts,“Perrie!” and I tense.

I cannot hit my mother, I cannot hit my mother,I repeat in my head.

Or can I?

“What the fuck is the racket about!” Steal shouts, coming out of his office.

Mom shoves Killian, who fists his hands, before I make eye contact with her. I give him a silent clap because I would have hit her, making him smirk before he answers Steal, “She kicked Cam in his cock, and they both ran in. I was bringing the truck into the new garage when I saw them barge in. Pretty sure Cam can’t have kids now….”

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