Page 64 of Acid

I sigh and ask, “Why? For you to feel guilty, for everyone to look at me with fucking pity?”

“No!” he shouts, “for you to fucking lean on us, your family!” He breathes hard before he furrows his brows, and something clicks. His eyes snap back to me. “Is this why you haven’t claimed Perrie?”

I flinch, hating that he’s bringing her up when I’m trying to figure a way to make her mine without letting my filth touch her. I whisper, “Don’t, Eli?—”

Anchor cuts in and demands, like there isn’t a dismembered body right there, “Answer the fucking question, Ollie!”

The brothers all glare at me, wanting an answer and, suddenly, I feel like the walls are closing in. My breathing picks up, and I shout, “I’m filthy!”and the brothers flinch. I shake my head, running a hand through my hair, before I croak, “When I slept with her, it was like I came home, like I was fucking complete…until the memories hit, and they fucking hit hard, just like they do when I sleep.”

“You panicked,” Pitbull whispers.

I rephrase, “I dirtied her with my filth.”

“You’re not dirty, Ollie,” Steal whispers.

I chuckle and demand, “Aren’t I?” I show him my back again. “This says otherwise. She deserves so fucking much more than me.”

“But you love her,” Canine confirms.

I look at him and admit, “I do, which is why I’m leaving for a while. I want to see if I can cope with everything, to see if I can be with her without the past making me believe I’m tainting her, and if I can, I’m making her mine.”

“And if you can’t?” Anchor asks coldly, and I look at him.

“Then I won’t be returning to New York, to the club,” I reluctantly admit, and I see his jaw lock.

I look at Piston, who shakes his head and snaps, “You’re not fucking leaving, Ol. Aurora is still missing, and Nat’s having a fucking baby—I need my big brother!”

I flinch before grabbing my shirt, putting it on, then my cut, then look back at my little brother. “And I can’t stand by and watch the woman I love fall for someone else, Eli, because that is what will happen. And with the past as well…I’ll kill myself.”

He flinches, and Steal steps forward and asks, “You’ll leave for two months, and what will happen with Perrie? Are you going to go radio silent with her?”

I swallow hard before admitting, “I’m going to write to her to see if I can explain what I went through growing up so she can understand why I fled the way I did, why I never told her how I felt after she kissed me after John’s funeral.”

He works his jaw before he nods, and agrees, “Okay, two months. I’ll watch over Pez, and you will return. Do you hear me? We won’t allow you to hand in your patch, and neither will Perrie, because that girl loves you.”

My eyes sting, but I ignore the sensation and look at Aiden, one eye gone, the other open and dead, and I mutter, “That’s only if she doesn’t feel disgusted to be near me.”

I turn and walk out of the outhouse without another word, heading for my bike.

“Ol!” Piston shouts as I climb on my bike, and I sigh, looking his way. Tears run down his face that’s smattered with blood as he rasps, “She won’t be disgusted; if anything, she’ll wish she’d killed him herself. Don’t underestimate her.” I nod before starting my bike. “Hey, Ol?” I look at him again. “Thanks for always having my back, big brother, for not letting him do to me what he did to you, for being my fucking protector.”

Tears burn my eyes, and I nod, choking out, “Always,” before spinning away from the outhouse, heading for the third dirt track road to the properties built on club land, to my Tinker.

Eli doesn’t have to thank me for anything; he’s my blood, my little brother. I’d protect him with my life, just like I would for my Tinker.

I just hope she doesn’t hate me after I confess my sins.

22

Perrie

Rain dances on the window, and I blink, trying to focus on it. The sky is pitch black, and only the moonlight filters through the window.

Last I remember, I way laying on Ollie’s chest after Cass helped me shower, and stitched up my head. I woke up about half an hour ago, alone in a quiet house.

The rain pours, the noise soothing me as my mind tries to play catch up.

I was kidnapped. They were going to rape me, and yet, I don’t feel traumatized as I had with the Aldo brothers. All I feel is anger. I should have killed that man when I had the chance. He hurt Ollie, he hurt Eli….

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