Page 20 of Acid

“Fuck, the day we decided to be friends with benefits was a great fucking day,” he rasps, his breathing uneven, and I hum, not even out of breath.

It is more like benefits without friends.

I check my watch and remind him, “My break is nearly over; I need to get back out front.”

He pulls back, and I turn, smiling at him, trying to hold back the flinch of being this close to a man.

It doesn’t matter how many guys I allow in my body, ensuring they use my rules so I’m the one in control; I still can’t be this close to a man, and I still can’t allow them to make love to me.

My skin itches, and I take a step back. He grins, unaware of my thoughts, and says, “See you in a few days?”

I smile at him. “I’ll be on then.” He groans, and I chuckle and say, “Just find someone at school.”

Something passes through his eyes before he covers it, and I raise a brow and call him out, knowing exactly where his mind has gone, just like with Shaun and Todd.

“This is still only sex, Coby, isn’t it?” I confirm and he sighs, running a hand through his short brown hair.

“What if it wasn’t? It’s been a year, Perrie. Maybe I want more,” he admits, and I drop my head, placing my hands on my hips before I look at him. He shakes his head and denies, “Nah, you’re not breaking up with me.”

I smile sadly. “It can’t be a breakup when we’re not in a relationship.” I run a hand through my hair for a moment, then look back at him and admit, “I’m broken, Coby. I’m not capable of being in a relationship,” he opens his mouth to refute, but I ask, “have you ever wondered why I can only have sex with you when I’m leaning on shelves? Why I never allow you to hold my hair when we’re in the throes of it, or put your body weight on me?” He furrows his brows. “Or how about why I never allow you to come inside me despite wearing a condom?”

His eyes widen with the realization of what I’m trying to say before horror and sadness shine in his hazel eyes, and he whispers, “Perrie….”

I shrug. “Like I said, I’m broken. Goodbye, Coby….”

I walk around him, leave the storage room, and sigh, knowing I’m going to have to find another guy to help try and removethemfrom inside me.

Everyone I’ve tried with wanted more, and every time I ran.

I know I should seek help, but what’s the point?

Those men ruined me, destroyed me, and the one person I wanted to run to, the person I thought I could count on after Cass left, ignored me and, shockingly enough, he’s probably the only man who could make me feel clean.

I’m all alone.

“Perrie?” I hear when I get back out front, the diner having filled up since my break. I turn to see my mom smiling gently at me in her suit skirt and blouse, looking like she’s just come from work when I know she’s been at home, living off the money I send her every month.

I furrow my brows, seeing the glass door behind her shattered before Andrea steps forward, getting my attention. I narrow my eyes, making her flinch back.

“Perrie, don’t look at her like that. What on earth has gotten into you these past few years? I barely recognize you,” Mom scolds me, and I roll my eyes, not bothering to hide it.

I shake my head and ask, “What are you doing here, Mom? Some people actually have to work,” while purposely ignoring her question.

She’s not stupid; she has to know why I haven’t had anything to do with her. She knows Cassidy told me about what she did to Dad and the fact that I know she was left with nothing, and the fact she is my mom is the only reason I haven’t sold the family home.

She swallows hard, her throat bobbing, puts her dark red hair behind her ear, and whispers, “I wanted to know if you’d come home tonight?”

I scoff, “What, the daughter who looks like your dead husband?” She flinches. “And, what, you had to bringherwith you to ask, seriously?”

“Perrie, sweetie,” I flinch at Dad’s nickname for me, hating her for using it to try to sway me. "I just…all I wanted was for my daughter to be home for a meal, especially with Cassidy gone AWOL. Why are you so cold?” she whispers with heartbreak in her voice, but I don’t fall for it.

She made her bed; now she has to lie in it.

“Your mom’s right; you have been acting cold…. When did that happen, Pezza?” Andrea asks.

Probably when I had found out I was pregnant with my rapist’s baby and considered suicide before going to the hospital instead for an abortion, alone, then having to explain to the doctors why I couldn’t continue the pregnancy, refusing their counseling first and feeling guilty the whole time because I couldn’t be brave enough to have the baby, I think to myself while I say aloud, “Probably when I had found out my so-called mother cheated on a man who made her his whole universe all because she got greedy! Oh, and maybe when I realized you used me….”

Mom’s eyes tear up, and I curl my lip at her and Andrea, before turning to the counter to grab my pad and pen. I then walk over to the table full of teens but say over my shoulder, “Don’t let the door hit you on your way out; the glass is broken.”

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