Page 68 of Return To You

She snorts as I grumble, and I climb onto the bike before grinning at the feel of it. When I look at Rose, a few tears have fallen, hurting my heart.

This is something that should have happened two years ago, but I fucked up.

Smiling gently at her, I hold my hand out, and she takes it willingly, allowing me to help her on. Instantly, she scoots forward so her front is pressed against my back, her arms tightly wrapped around me, and fuck me, if this isn’t the best feeling in the world, next to holding her and my son in my arms.

Starting the bike, I spin away from the parking lot, making Rose squeal and laugh, gripping my waist, and I chuckle, going faster.

We ride around for about two hours before I pull off onto a dirt track, stopping about a mile in, near the lake.

Rose climbs off as I put the kickstand down, and climb off myself. I grab the blanket from the side saddle, then go over to the tree, place the blanket down, and sit, leaning my back against the tree. I look over to Rose and smile as she looks at the view, then looks my way.

I hold my hand out to her, and she walks over and takes it but squeaks when I pull her down, maneuvering her between mybent legs, her back to my front, and I wrap my arms around her waist, placing my face into the crook of her neck.

“Thank you, Petal,” I whisper into the quietness.

She gently traces the R tattoo and asks, “For what?”

I smile. “For the bike. For giving me something when money was tight because your father never helped you, for giving me Diego, and for always loving me.”

I feel a few drops of wetness hit my skin, and I hold her tighter.

“I couldn’t stop loving you, even if I wanted to Noah,” she admits, and I skim my lips over her skin, listening to her. “From the first moment we laid eyes on each other, even at thirteen, I knew you would consume me. I knew I wouldn’t want a life without you. You became my reason to live and to breathe, and when you left, God, I went into survival mode. I was pregnant, and that mean I couldn’t let myself break.

“Dad had kicked me out, and you were gone, and I just…I knew I couldn’t just think, I had to act. So I got on the bike, and even though I was pregnant, I rode until I needed gas, and that’s when I saw the hiring sign for Katie’s.” She leans her head back, and I press my cheek against hers, linking our fingers over her stomach. “I never stopped thinking about you, but I promised never to look you up.” She takes a deep breath. “After I gave birth alone, I caved and I sent one picture of Diego to dad, who ignored it, and one to you, which failed to deliver. It was then I knew I was truly alone.”

My heart hurts, her words tearing me apart….

Gritting my teeth to control my emotions, I rasp, “Remember when you said actions speak louder than words?” She nods, and I admit, “I always knew I loved you. I always knew you were mine; you’re my muse, my heart, you’re the reason why I enjoy doing what I do because the spark in your eyes is what keeps me going. And over the four years we were together before I left, thatfeeling, it scared me some days. But then I’d look in your eyes and I knew I would be alright, because I had you at my side.”

I swallow hard and admit, “Before prom, I got your dad's permission to marry you, Rose. That’s how much I loved you. I was going to propose on graduation night….”

After being silent for a few minutes, she takes a deep breath and finally asks, “What happened?”

I’m quiet for a moment, trying to put what I was feeling into words.

Dropping my face into her neck, I mutter, “I panicked. Graduation, you weren’t there—I mean, I know you were, but at the time, I didn’tknow, you know?” She nods and squeezes my hands, giving the strength I need to get this out. “When I didn’t see you I thought, ‘damn, this is what it's going to be like’. You still had school, or so I thought, and I realized I wasn’t going to see you every day, and my mind went in circles about how you could probably do better than a guy with a pipe dream. But then you walked onto the stage, and we got the call about the label, and everything was fucking perfect. I pushed my concerns and fears to the side, knowing that, with you, we could get through anything. I was ready to propose, but then Gina and Piper came to the trailer, and they showed me the photo….”

Fuck, I don’t want to tell her this, I don’t want her to hate me more, to think I’m not worthy of her….

I shake my head. “I knew, deep down, that it was innocent; you could see it, but my fear, the one I’d been struggling with over the years, it had taken over, and I panicked.

“I made myself believe in the photo, and I left without a word. And what fucking sucks is that you wouldn’t have run, you would have confronted me, and I knew I could have spoken to you about it. I knew there was an explanation, but deep in my heart, I knew this was a way out, a way out of the relationship and the fear that I’ll never be enough for you. And when Ginasaid you were pregnant, a part me went straight to thinking the baby was mine. I freaked out because I allowed my fear of any potential hurt take over. But then she said you were four months, and I made myself believe I did the right thing, before getting drunk and passing out.”

Rose sighs and moves. I go to grab her again, but instead, she turns in my arms and kneels between my legs, cupping my cheeks, her thumb rubbing over my stubble.

“Noah,” she whispers, tears shining, “you were always enough, even before you became a rockstar. I didn’t want possessions, I wanted you and only you. If you had told me that we’d live in a trailer for the rest of our lives, I would have happily moved in with you.”

I nod. “And then I failed you because I left….”

She swallows hard and admits, “I think, now, it’s not the fact you left that I’m struggling with. I mean, am I hurt that you didn’t have enough trust in us to fight, enough trust in me and my feelings for you? Damn right, I am, especially when I have always been yours. It’s the other women I can’t get over.” She sniffles. “I gave in, Noah. I looked you up after you came back into my life, and all the women, the photos and headlines. You said you loved me and that I was your world, and yet you’ve been with others when even the thought of touching another man's hand made me sick.”

I huff out a laugh and grip her cheeks, pressing my forehead against hers.

This silly fucking girl. All this time, she thought that I’d….

I smile gently. “Petal. I never kissed those girls, let alone slept with them.” Her eyes widen. “Yes, I tried to date, but it was always in public, and I think, subconsciously, I wanted you to see them; my head and heart sticking to the notion that you cheated, when deep down I knew you hadn’t. Every time a woman tried to kiss me, I would move away. All the club nights, we were forcedto go by our PR firm. And Piper, yeah, she caught me by fucking surprise when she licked me, and I threatened to quit my label if they didn’t put a leash on her.”

She blinks, her mouth parting in surprise, and I chuckle. “Baby, you’re the only girl I’ve ever been with.” Her tears fall. “I mean, you're not the only girl I’ve kissed now, thanks to Gina and her fucked up brain, but?—”

---