That made sense.
On the way here, Zadkiel and I talked about Elysium, Ylena, and Rhodes. He said he was shocked by the news. He also told me he hadn’t talked much to his mentor lately, and when he tried, she kept the conversations brief.
“That’s not like Muriel,” he told me. “It feels like she’s hiding something from me.”
My mentor had been hiding something huge from me, so I couldn’t blame him for thinking that.
Zadkiel grabbed what looked like a small remote control from a hook on the wall beside the entrance, then we stopped in the center of the big mat.
“First things first,” he started. “Let’s see what you can do.”
“Not much, considering I can’t control it.”
He pressed a button on the remote and thin targets in the shape of a person emerged from the end of the mat side by side. “Show me.”
I took a few steps back, closed my eyes, and called my magic. It flickered to life inside me, as if annoyed I was bothering it. I gritted my teeth, grabbed a hold of it, and forced it to obey me. The magic surged to my fingertips, fast and fierce, and I threw a light bolt at the target in the center.
The bolt zoomed to it, flickering a couple of times on the way. It hit the target right in the chest, making it bounce back and forth a couple of times. But the cool part was that when the magic hit it, there was an explosion and it burned, but the target shimmered and was suddenly intact again.
“Enchanted targets,” Zadkiel explained when he noticed me frowning at them. “It takes a lot to actually damage them.” That was an amazing tool. The angel looked at me. “That wasn’t so bad. With your magic, I mean.”
“I know, but just …” I shook my head once and did it again.
This time, it took longer for me to command the magic to my hand and throw it, and it sizzled out before it hit the target. The next one grew as it zoomed to the target, and the explosion should have broken the thing to pieces, if it wasn’t enchanted. The next two were like the second, dying before reaching the target, until the bolt barely formed in my palm, and it took a lot of my energy to just try to control it.
All the while, Zadkiel watched me, arms crossed, his brow furrowed.
Breathing hard, I threw my hands out and nothing came out. Frustrated and already tired, I turned to Zadkiel.
“That’s what happens. In the middle of a fight, I can’t count on my magic.” Or worse, I could end up hurting one of our allies. My friends.
“Your magic is there, but it doesn’t want to obey you,” he said, contemplating. “Usually, our magic is an extension of ourselves. We don’t need to think or order it around. It just does what we want it to.”
I nodded. “It’s strange.”
“Very.” He uncrossed his arms. “I’m no expert on this, and I haven’t trained novices in many years, but I think that’s where we have to start. We should pretend you just got your powers and are learning to use them.”
I didn’t like that, but was there another option? “Sounds like a plan.”
* * *
For the next three hours,Zad and I trained as if I was a child learning about her magic. And even though I was doing better than most kids, my magic was as fickle and unstable as before. For extended periods of time, I couldn’t even grasp it.
Sweating and breathing hard, I sat down on a bench outside the mat area and drank a big swallow of water—Zad had texted a page and asked him to bring some to us. There were water fountains here, and I had already refilled my water bottle twice.
“I know you’re not where you want to be,” Zad sat down beside me, “but I think we should stop for the day.”
I opened my mouth to complain, but I knew what he meant. I had overexerted myself, and I was frustrated. If I kept going, I would do more harm than good.
Besides, it was getting late and I was so damn hungry.
“Just one more time,” I said. I knew one more time wouldn’t change anything, but I just had to do it.
Zad nodded in agreement.
I went back to my previous position, stared at the center target as if it was Rhodes, and called my magic. It fought against me, but I grasped it as strongly as I could, and threw a bolt of flickering light magic at the target.
The bolt sputtered and clambered like a car on its last drop of gas. It shook, losing its path, hit the side of the target, and zoomed toward the entrance.