Page 47 of Xavier

“Nice try,” Xavier drawled. “You’re still going to bed at a reasonable time.”

“What’s reasonable to you, Xavier?” Asher asked. “Four am? Five?”

Greyson gave him a hard shove on the back. “Yeah, like you’ll be able to stay up that long. The military’s got you guys in bed as soon as the sun goes down and getting up while it’s still dark out.”

“Okay. Pot, kettle?” Asher shot back. “Weren’t you the one complaining in the group chat how your boss is constantly waking you up at the ass crack of dawn?”

“Don’t see him anywhere around here, now do we?”

“Boys…” I chided. “How about we’re in bed by one.”

“Fine,” they chimed at the same time.

Xavier nodded to Dexter. “You too.”

“Sure. Got it,” he answered.

Blowing out a breath, I pivoted my body toward the hallway, feeling the energy in the room shift while Xavier followed me and the sounds of the game on the TV came to life again. The boys were good at distracting themselves, giving Xavier plenty oftime to talk. However long they roped Dexter into hanging out with them, it would be at least for a little while.

Heading into my room, the first thing I noticed was Xavier’s bag by my bed, leaning up against the wall. My lip quirked up involuntarily as my body relaxed at the sight of it. He didn’t seem to be too mad at me if he was willing to share a room with me tonight.

That could all be a massive coincidence that aligned with giving the twins back one of their rooms, but I wanted to look at it as Xavieractuallywanting to spend time with me despite our weirdness.

He shut the door behind us softly once he was inside, turning to me with a pinched expression. “Gage...”

My heart beat solidly in my chest, choking me from saying anything to him.

Expressing myself had never been a problem before. Even as a kid raising my two baby brothers, I’d always expressed exactly what was on my mind. There was never a point in my life where I subscribed to the idea that I had ‘nothing to say’ about a situation, even if it was a mundane one.

Yet here and now, I was stumbling to form my words properly to express myself.

How could I when I wasn’t able to name what was wrong?

My theory was the distance between us affecting our bond—the issue being that there was no real way to prove that was actually what was going on with me unless he left and I could definitely say that was the real problem and not some bandage over top of the real festering wound.

Not to mention that with Xavier being here now, I should be over the moon wanting to crawl up into his skin while I had him, not picking stupid fights.

Everything was so damn jumbled. Nothing was making sense.

Why did I care if Xavier never married me and chose his family over spending one day out of the year with his family when I had him every other damn time?

Because you want him to be a part ofyourfamily.

Ugh...

Xavier crept across the room, standing before me with his hands outstretched to cup my face. He stroked his thumbs along my cheeks in a gentle way, soothing me despite my raging whirlwind of thoughts.

I’d always been transparent to him, no matter how well I believed I’d covered up the truth. He saw through me and into my soul like a damn pane of glass.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

For everything.

He shook his head and bent forward to press his lips against mine in a chaste kiss. I melted into him instantly, my arms coming up to curl tightly around him as he adjusted his hold on me. He walked me back toward the bed, lowering me down onto it the second the back of my knees brushed up against it.

His body was a solid weight on top of me, comforting in that weighted blanket kind of way. Our kiss was slow, and we took the time to savor the feeling of each other without the feverish need to strip our clothes off and go at it like a couple of wild animals.

This was what made all of the distance and conflicting schedules worth it—having him here with me in this quiet moment with no outside interruptions to rip us apart and force us back into our roles as parents or first responders.

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