Page 49 of Xavier

I held back a snort.

There were times before Kate and I broke up where we’d talked about having another one. Obviously, that never came into fruition with my cheating and breaking up our marriage, though the idea still entertained itself years after that.

At one point, I’d gotten so desperate after having lost Dexter that I’d walked into a damn donor bank and asked to be matched with someone who was willing to have an open IVF journey that I could step in and help co-parent. I’d been chasedoff the property soon after, my prayers for another child going unanswered.

During that time, I’d even contemplated calling up Kate and telling her that regardless of how she felt about me, Dexter deserved a sibling. Thankfully, I’d never gotten the courage to do that and had let myself wallow until the pain numbed me.

Those were some of my darker days that I’d take to the grave and tell no one about. Something in the universe had been looking out for me back then, not wanting me to help bring another child into this world when I was already severely fucked up and not dealing with it well.

“Doyoulike them?” he asked.

“Yeah, they’re good kids.” I used my hand on his back to guide Dexter away from the middle of the boardwalk as a large family moved past us, heading in the opposite direction. “I’m surprised you clicked with them so easily.”

“Iamcapable of making friends,” he drawled.

Wincing, I said, “That’s not what I meant.”

Even though that’s definitely what I’d been implying.

If Dexter wanted to keep his circle of friends small, then it wasn’t really my place to say anything. Despite my initial worries about him when I’d talked to Gage about it, he was clearly capable of befriending whoever he wanted with no signs of the stunted social skills that I’d previously worried about.

“Uh huh,” was all he said back, guiding us onto another pathway.

“I’m sorry. I know I’m being overprotective.”

Admitting that out loud to anyone other than Gage had me clamming up with self-consciousness. We were supposed to be in the ‘mentor/guide’ phase of our relationship, according to the parenting books I’d been given by my therapist late last year. Except missing out on all of the milestones with him before this stage had left me trying to overcompensate big time.

Now, I was at that fun stage of uncertainty where every misstep felt astronomical.

“It’s fine. You’re not half as bad as mom and Dan.” He rolled his eyes. “I swear they’d lock me up in a bubble if it was legal.”

“That bad, huh?” Not that I couldn’t imagine Kate going overboard with her overprotectiveness, either. We were both grabbing at Dexter and yanking him in opposite directions, even with us being newly cordial.

Hearing that his stepfather was similar, though, had me curious. “Do you like him? Dan, I mean.”

Dexter shrugged. “He’s fine. He can get a bit over the top when he’s trying to get his point across. He was pissed when I told mom that I didn’t want to go to church anymore two summers ago. He tried taking me to this lecture at another church a few towns over to try and convince me to go again.”

“That sounds... a bit much.”

“That’s how Dan is. He’s been that way since I can remember. I think he still sees me as just mom’s kid and not his stepson, which is fine, I guess. I’m not really bothered by it. It only gets annoying when he tries to ground me or force me into doing things that I don’t want to do like the church thing. The entire time, I felt so weird because he barely pays attention to meotherwise.” Dexter shook his head. “I don’t do anything bad. So, I don’t know what his deal is.”

How complicated.

No wonder Dexter was standoffish with me. Aside from the obvious that he hardly knew me, having some man trying to come in and take over the father role he’d been without for so long must’ve felt like a slap in the face no matter how I framed it at the time.

Why were any of us surprised when he dug his heels in to resist the change?

The only consistency he’s ever had was his mother.

I wanted to believe that Kate’s choice in a husband after me was carefully considered and not an impulsive move in order to fulfill a role that I was no longer available for. No matter how I felt about her replacing me so easily when I’d begged her to let me in.

In the end, Dexter had turned out to be a very thoughtful, smart, and idealistic person that had a bright future ahead of him. None of which I could chalk up to having been born out of my influence. Maybe now for the future, I could take some credit, but for now, this was still all Kate.

Throwing my arm around his shoulders, I brought him against my side to squeeze him. “Listen, you’re an incredible person, Dex. Don’t let anyone tell you or let you think otherwise. I’m so damn proud of you. Anyone would be lucky to call you their son.”

He blinked up at me, his lips parting in surprise. “You... really mean that?”

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t be saying it if I didn’t.”

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