Page 12 of Xavier

“Louisiana.”

“What the hell could possibly be in Louisiana that you’d want to take my son there?”

My jaw ached from how hard I clenched my teeth at that.

“Ourson, Kate.”

“Don’t start with me.”

Jesus, fuck. This is precisely the reason why I was hesitant in calling her. No matter how I approached any of this, she was going to come at me combatively. I could try prancing around and sprinkling fairy dust in her face while trying to ask for her permission and she’d still see the devil in me.

“I’m not starting shit, Kate. I’m being honest and trying to communicate with you. He’s my son, too. I want to go on a trip with him before he’s off to college and we hardly hear from him.”

She scoffs. “You meanyou’llhardly hear from him.”

“I meant what I said. How often did either of us talk to our parents once we graduated high school?” The silence on the other end was all I needed to hear to know I hit the nail right on the head. “He’s a teenager, he’s going to want to go out and make friends and have fun. He’s not going to have time to talk to either of us every day. Let me take him on a vacation for a weekend before he leaves me in the dust.”

“I’m not comfortable with that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t trust you. How do I know you’re not going to take him to some… strip club? Or some gay bar and force him to drink?”

The paranoia in her voice was prominent. Normally, I’d be rolling my eyes and telling her to shove it. Realistically, Ididwant to do that. However, the true fear laced in her voice was what held me back from doing so.

Kate’s religious upbringing had been a contentious point in our relationship up to a point. I’d let a lot of stuff go, especially withmy in-laws, on account that I’d been hiding my true self from everyone and blending in had made it easier to deny myself.

She’d never been pushy with her beliefs back when we were dating and only had been a little more so after we’d had Dexter. There was never a point where I considered her to be a zealot, not in the way that her parents were, at least.

So, it was sad to see her—or rather, hear her—acting like this. What I did to her back then had clearly broken her. I’d never be able to make it up to her, no matter how many times I tried to apologize to her or explain how much it had killed me to hide my true self from the world.

What did it matter in the grand scheme of things, anyway?

She’d walked in on the most devastating situation that could ever be imagined. She’d gone from being in a happy relationship as a wife and mother, to being a divorcee and a single mom.

That shit was fucked on so many levels and my grappling with my newly outed sexuality hadn’t helped any.

Now that Dexter was getting to be older, she was slowly losing her grip on him. He was coming to me more and more, no matter what she tried to do to stop it. All she could do was sit back and pray that I didn’t ‘corrupt’ our son like I had been.

I felt bad for her, I really did. Living in her mind must be hell.

“Kate.”

“I’m not letting you change him, Xavier.” She sounded out of breath. “It’s not happening.”

“I’m not going to do any of that. First of all, he’s still a minor. And second, it’s not my prerogative to force him into a lifestylelike that. He’s my son, Kate. I love him just as much as you do. I would never ever do anything to jeopardize his autonomy like that.”

Her sniffling on the other line broke my heart. As badly as our relationship had ended, I still cared for her. She was still the mother of my child and had been my wife. She hated me but that was all one sided.

I was mad at her for keeping Dexter from me, sure. Anyone would feel the same way. That didn’t mean I wanted her to suffer like she clearly was. Whatever conspiracies were running through her mind were obviously ones she’d thought about for a long time.

Fear was her best friend, unfortunately.

“Why don’t you think about it,” I suggested. “I’m not planning on this trip for another week or two, anyway.”

She didn’t say anything back, just continued to sniffle on the other end. Just as I was about to end the call, she said, “I’ll talk to Dan.”

All right, well at least that was one step in the right direction. “Okay. Just let me know. I’m planning the trip from Friday to Sunday. We’d fly back Sunday night.”

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