Page 10 of Xavier

“Mmm,” Gage let out a slow breath. “Damn, that was good.”

I grabbed my phone again just in time to see him lean up and snag a tissue off of the nightstand table next to his bed. While he cleaned himself up, I couldn’t help the undying want in my heart that screamed I should be doing that.

Ishould be the one to clean up my lover after us getting down and dirty. Instead, I was across the damn country with my own rapidly deflating dick in my hand and no one to cuddle up next to and fall asleep with.

Where was the justice in that?

Going into this, I knew long distance wasn’t going to be fun. I’d heard horror stories throughout the years of gay guys my own age trying to find love online and the trials and tribulations that went with it.

Did some of those love stories work out in the end?

Of course.

I wanted Gage and I to be a success story, too. But damn if this whole thing wasn’t weighing on me.

Our trip out to him was going to be nice, but for the majority of it, I was going to be spending it with my son—rightfully so. Flying us out only for me to get wrapped up in my boyfriend was a ticket to Dexternevertrusting me again with something that he clearly held so close to his heart.

Something that he’d trustedmewith and not his mom. That shit mattered.

Regardless of what my own feelings were with the situation between Gage and I, I wasn’t going to fuck this up. For the sake of my son, I couldn’t.

“Xavier?”

Snapping out of my thoughts, I righted my phone to see that Gage had flipped his camera around. He was so beautiful, even with him looking like his brains had just been fucked out.

“Yes?”

“You okay?” he asked. “You got kind of quiet.”

“Just missing you.”

He smiled sweetly. “Awww, he misses me.”

“See what you do tome?”

“I kind of like that lovesick face you’ve got on,” he teased.

“It’s only for you.”

“Wow, I’m special, huh.”

You sure as fuck are.

“You really okay with me and Dex coming to stay with you?”

“Yes. Please. I need the company. I swear, I’ll try and keep my hands to myself when your kid’s around.”

“I like that you said ‘try’ and not ‘will do’.”

“Hey, I’m just being honest!”

Shaking my head, I grabbed my own tissue and cleaned myself up before tossing it in the trash and pushing back from my desk. Today had been a long day, and not just from my conversation with Dexter or my AA meeting.

In general, I was exhausted. And why that was, I still wasn’t really sure. At this point, I was chalking it up to getting old, or missing Gage—both of which were most likely simultaneously true.

He was a beacon of light that I sought after in the darkness. He breathed life into me when I otherwise couldn’t possibly go on. There were things that he’d done to me that he’d never know, ways he’d changed me and molded me into a better person that I’d never ever forget.

I was so glad that I didn’t recognize the man in the mirror anymore. This version of me was different from my old one. A new shell having been born that I was excited to get to know.

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