Page 78 of The Dating Contract

“I know,” she managed. “I thought…but I don’t…won’t have the time to do the emotional work that a real relationship—what you deserve—requires. My job is always going to intervene. My life isn’t mine and that isn’t fair.”

“So that’s it?”

She nodded, quickly, trying not to consider the way his words stung. “Yes,” she said. “I can’t continue on like this, knowing I’m going to hurt you for real. I can’t do that.”

“So you’re going to leave at the first sign of trouble? Not even give me a chance to work things out with you?”

She shook her head. “You saw what happened when I let my guard down and relaxed. My job intervened and I couldn’t get back to you, or anybody, for a week at least. I just… I can’t.”

“I can work anywhere,” he said. “I can get lost in work for hours. I can sit and do my work in the stands of a hockey game…”

“It doesn’t matter because my job isn’t just sitting there. It’s focusing on what’s going on. I can’t be without a phone ever, and I can’t give you what you deserve,” she managed even as her heart was breaking. “I can’t. I just can’t. But I can give you something else?”

He blinked; he was confused. She understood that much.

“I forgive you,” she said. “For high school. You’ve matured, you’ve changed. We’re different people now, and it’s not fair to let you believe that I still harbor that kind of upset.”

He looked like he’d gotten hit by a truck and all she wanted to do was break down and tell him that she could stay with him, that she could be with him. But the thought of cold hard reality was making her nauseous.

“Thank you,” he said, finally. “I appreciate that.”

She could see he was having trouble figuring out what to do and how to handle things. This conversation, their connection, heck. Anything and everything.

But he sat there, across from her, his hands just behind the border of being able to touch her. And then he clenched his fingers and let them go. She followed his movements, wanting to take that step of touching his fingers with hers.

She couldn’t take refuge in his touch any longer, nor could she ease the pain he was visibly feeling. She was having enough trouble as it was keeping her own swirling storm of emotion locked away inside. “Is there anything else I can do? Do you need help?”

He shook his head, then paused, as if he’d remembered the section of the contact where he’d asked for consideration, for a favor to be granted later.

And if nothing else, now could be that later.

“I’ve got a big contract coming,” he said. “But I need an agent. If you know anybody, can you send them my way?”

“I can do that,” she said, pushing the words out as quickly as she could. “I know someone who might be helpful.”

“I’d appreciate that,” he said. “So I guess this it?”

She nodded. “This is it.” And then she stood up. “I have to go,” she said before she lost it completely in front of him.

Second thoughts, third thoughts followed her out of the restaurant and onto the subway that took her back to her apartment.

She was alone, and that was how it was meant to be.

Right?

Chapter Twenty-Three

Samuel managed toget on the subway, leaving the chocolate pudding and his drink behind.

The darkness of the tunnel that connected Manhattan and Queens suited his mood as it was. He’d gotten forgiveness from Leah, the one thing he’d always wanted, the one thing he’d always hoped for.

And yet, why did it feel like he’d been given the worst sort of consolation prize?

Why did it feel like he’d lost?

Because he had. He’d lost Leah.

And so when he got into his apartment, he locked the door, ignored his phone, grabbed some popcorn and watched the Shadow Squad movies on his favorite streaming service in an attempt to clear his head and remind himself of the other things going on in his life.

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