Page 37 of Savage Beauty

“You can retire at twenty years. But…” He knocks back the coffee cup, gulps it, smacks his lips, and lets out a sigh. “If I’m honest, I was burned out. Tired of the bullshit. When Knox dropped, he introduced me to this guy named Ryan. He’s one of Arrow’s founders. He’d been in my shoes, and now he’s got this company, and they seem to look out for guys like me. Like him. We got to talking, and one thing led to another. They offered me a sweeter deal than I’d get if I clocked my twenty.”

“You don’t sound happy about it.” I sometimes regret leaving my old job back in North Carolina. It’s one reason I don’t like change. Sometimes you change things, and it’s not better, yet you can’t go back.

“Meh. It’s an adjustment, you know?”

“What was life like in the Navy? I mean, Sam told me some stuff. I remember one time he told me that for every fifteen minutes of ‘hell yeah,’ there’s a solid ten days of ‘what the fuck.’” The memory makes me smile. Sam was two years older than me, but he’d been my best friend. Well, him and Sage.

Max chuckles. He doesn’t laugh often, but my lips stretch into a smile whenever he does. It’s an automatic reaction, similar to how an acid and a base react when mixed. But that’s a silly notion. If given enough time, he won’t laugh around me, and if given enough time, I won’t smile when he does. That’s not true for an acid and a base.

“That’s a pretty accurate assessment.” Sadness coats his words.

“What do you miss the most?”

“The adrenaline rush.”

“Is sitting in a parking lot not adrenaline-inducing enough for you?”

Another chuckle. And I smile.

“You realize we got here a couple of hours too early, right?”

“What gave you an adrenaline rush?”

“Jumping out of planes. Diving. Shooting guns.”

“You can still do all those things.”

“You’re right.” He bobs his head a couple of times. “That’s another reason I took this gig. Not only do they pay well, but I still get all the toys. They prioritize being fit. It’s a requirement. But they do it in a healthy way, mindful our joints have taken a beating already.”

“But you still don’t sound happy.”

“Just wrapping my head around it, you know? I was a member of an elite team. It’s…harder than I thought it would be to let that go.”

“Once a SEAL, always a SEAL, right? That’s what Sam said.”

“Yep.”

He lets out a long sigh and lifts his coffee cup once again.

“I could give you a blow job.”

His head lurches forward and brown liquid coats the plastic top. He chuckles. And yes, I smile. Acid and a base. A reliable reaction.

“Wow.” He wipes the back of his hand over his mouth. “That was unexpected. I mean, I never quite know what you are going to say, but that definitely tops the unexpected list.”

“I enjoy sex and most sexual acts. I don’t believe it’s something to be ashamed of. It’s natural human behavior. And it’s great exercise. An orgasm will raise your endorphins, so you won’t feel as sad.”

“Okay. Well, wow. Good to know.”

“I’m serious. And besides, I forgot to pack my charger for my vibrators. I mean, I still use my fingers for masturbation, but my orgasms aren’t as strong. I don’t know if it’s the same for men. It’s probably individual preference. Do you prefer to orgasm with your hand, someone else’s hand, or vagina? Or do you prefer anal?”

There’s a significant amount of dust in the air conditioning vents on the dashboard. The black plastic squares are probably hard to clean. It’s easy to understand why car manufacturers evolved from this design.

As I stare at the dust, I become aware that he’s no longer watching the building, but staring at me. I can feel his gaze, and my cheeks burn. That’s not a good feeling. “What?”

“You are one-of-a-kind, Sloane Watson.”

No one’s ever put it quite like that, but similar remarks have been used to describe me my entire life. “I just say what I’m thinking. The world would be simpler if everyone said what they’re thinking. Honesty is an undervalued trait.”

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