Page 21 of Spike

“Maybe it’s aboutwhat I wouldn’t find at another church.”

My mother gasped.“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’d just like togo somewhere where I didn’t have a thousand sets of eyeballs pinned on me.Somewhere I’m not a PK and where I don’t have to pretend to be perfect all thetime.”

“Being a pastor’skid doesn’t mean being perfect all the time.”

“It does to Daddyand it certainly does to you.”

“What is thatsupposed to mean?”

I took a deepbreath. “Mom, I feel like I can never do anything right with you. And a lot ofthe time, I feel like you don’t even like me.”

“How could you saysuch a thing? A mother’s love for her child is a sacred thing. Something youwon’t understand until you have children of your own.”

“I never said youdidn’t love me, only that you didn’t like me.”

“Honestly,” shebreathed out. “I don’t understand where this is coming from.”

“It’s coming fromyears of presenting the best version of myself to you in order to gain anyamount of true warmth and affection, only to feel like I was coming up short inyour eyes. And I don’t have to have a child of my own to understand ourmother-daughter relationship… or lack thereof.”

“We have aperfectly good relationship.”

“Do we?” Ichallenged. “When’s the last time the two of us spent any amount of timetogether?” My mother opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off.“Outside of a church function.”

My mother closedher mouth again.

“Exactly,” Iretorted.

Mom sighed andclasped her hands in her lap.

“Look, Mom, I loveyou and I’m not saying any of this to make you feel bad. I just need you to seewhere I’m coming from and honestly, I think I just need space from all of it.The church, this house, you and Daddy. I just want to focus on my job and takesome time to figure out who I am outside of Lifesprings and outside of thisneighborhood. Good lord, Mama, even the Amish get a Rumspringa.”

Mom rolled hereyes, her nose going further up in the air (if that was possible) and she roseto her feet. “I don’t know what’s brought all this on, and why you’re so intenton hurting my feelings, and dishonoring your father, but I hope you’re happywhile you’re out in the world smoking mushrooms and having your Amish orgy.”She moved to my door and pulled it open. “Your father and I’ll be praying foryou.”

With that partingshot, she walked out and closed the door behind her.

I bit back tearsand grabbed my phone, instinctively scrolling to Gemma’s name, only I didn’tstop there. I continued to Spike’s number and pressed the call button.

He answered on thefirst ring. “Well, hey there, beautiful.”

“Hi.”

“What’s wrong?”

I burst intotears.

“Fuck. Trixie,honey, what happened?”

Through my hiccupsand tears, I filled him in on the conversation with my mother, my heart nolonger breaking, because I was angry. Angry that my mother was making me feellike a pariah when all I’d ever done was try to please her.

“Want me to comeget you?” Spike asked.

I bit my lip.“Aren’t you busy?”

“Not too busy tocome take your mind off something shitty your mom said to you.”

“Oh my word, I’dlove that,” I breathed out.

---