Page 51 of Doozer

I opened it to find a letter from Trouble.

“Everything okay?” Minus asked.

“I’m not sure. I’m gonna take a break and read this while Elwood gets the booth set up,” I said, holding up the letter.

“Sure thing,” Minus replied.

I exited the shop and headed for the grove of trees by the old pump house. I sat down under the hundred-year-old pines on a stone bench built by who knows who, back in who knows when. This was my favorite spot on the Saints’ property. Something about the age of the trees and the anonymity of the stoneworker who built the bench was humbling. It made me and my problems feel insignificant in a comforting way. I unfolded the pages and read, unsure if I’d find a love note or Dear John letter.

In the end, it was neither and it was both.

Doozer

I’ve sat down to write this letter three times (okay, maybe four). It started as an exercise given to us by Taxi. Well, more of a command, really, and I figured I could just send you a note telling you everything’s cool, I miss you, and move on with my day.

I can’t.

I miss you. I miss you like crazy, baby, and this is where the problem and heartache lay, because I cannot have that distraction. I’m deep in the shit now, and it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. But in the middle of that deep shit, you’ll take a leisurely stroll through my mind and I’m distracted. Maybe for a second, maybe for a minute, but it’s long enough to scare me. If I’m out ‘there’ and distracted, lives get lost, and I could never forgive myself. Right now, I just want to crawl into your arms and stay there forever, but that’s probably because I’ve had two hours of sleep and I’m a little emotional after my session with Dr. Fenton.

I had no fucking clue who Dr. Fenton was, but I already hated his fucking guts. I forced myself to finish the letter even if my heart was shattering.

Jesus, I’m rambling, even in a letter. Sorry. I don’t really know what I’m trying to say, I just know that this isn’t something that can continue. Not the way it’s been going, anyway. I wish I could see or hear you, but maybe this is exactly the way it’s supposed to be. I don’t know. I don’t really have any answers. Please stay safe and know that I will always love you. ~ Trouble.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Doozer

IHURRIED BACK to the shop and was surprised to find Minus still there, waiting for me.

“Everything okay?” I asked.

“I was gonna ask you the same thing,” he said, pointing to Trouble’s letter, still in my hand.

“Uh. Yeah. Everything’s good,” I said, opening my locker and tossing the letter inside. I reached for my painting suit, only to find it missing from its hook. “You stupid fucking idiot,” I growled at myself. Slamming my fist into the locker next to mine, I dented the shit out of it.

“Whoa,” Minus said, walking over to me. “You don’t sound okay.”

“I forgot my painting suit. I left it soaking in the sink, even though I reminded myself to take it out a hundred fucking times.”

“Then Spike’s locker definitely had it coming,” he said, dryly.

“Sorry, man,” I said, putting my hands in the air. “I’ll fix it.”

“It’s no big deal,” Minus said. “I’m more worried about where your head is at.”

“A million fuckin’ miles away, lately,” I said.

“More like twenty-eight-hundred,” Minus said with a smile, pointing again at Trouble’s letter, now at the bottom of my locker. “And if that letter says what your face says it says, I suspect I have to decide.”

“Decide what?” I asked.

“Whether or not to let you go to Quantico,” he replied.

“Why would you let me do that?”

“First of all because it would piss off Taxi,” Minus said with a chuckle. “Secondly, because I need to send someone out to Savanah anyway, and you could stop off in Virginia for a few days on your way out. Mostly, because when I was your age, Cutter never gave me the chance to work things out between Cricket and me. And although I’m happy with how things turned out for us in the end, I still wish I had those lost years back. And, like I said.” Minus smiled wide. “It’ll piss Taxi off.”

“I feel like Trouble doesn’t need me,” I said.

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