Page 5 of CurVy Baby

“I’ll show you the car,” she says, guiding me through the car park to the black SUV, and we head away from the prison.

Five months is not my longest stint, but this time did feel different. Worse and better. I felt more yearning, more regret—but more hope.

Then, we pass a tavern…

The only good thing about prison is that it keeps my alcohol addiction somewhat sleepy. No bars. No neon bottle shop signs. No commercials. No options. No way.

Fourteen.

On the drive to McDonald’s, I hold Molly’s hand in my lap and count fourteen different triggers that force sweat to mist my forehead, my muscles to twitch, fingers to flex as if to hold the bottle, and my skin to crawl with discomfort.

Fifteen.

Sixteen.

CHAPTER TWO

VALLIE

My eyes scroll through the article on my phone.

‘The first few months outside were harder than the time they spent inside. Dealing with people and feeling like you don’t fit or can’t relate can be overwhelming.’

In privacy, I have been frequenting chat forums on my phone. The one I am focused on right now is titled, “Surviving the Outside; Life after Prison.”

My main focus has been on the chapter about the integration of families after a member is released. There are four stages to deal with when changing a family dynamic to fit another member. The first is denial, and the second is resistance. Thirdly, exploration, and finally integration.

I smooth Molly’s blonde hair down her back and play with the ends as she snoozes on my lap.

It has only been a few months, but it feels as if I have loved her my entire life. I am not sure how that is even possible; it isn’t. Still, I love her so much that it is hard to imagine I ever didn’t.

I wasn’t sure I wanted children. Was never overly maternal. Not having a great relationship with my folks meant I knew I would be parenting without a ‘village.’

Boy, was I wrong.

It’s a weird, deranged village, but it’s devoted. Tyler and Donnie are so hands-on; half the time, the only issue iswhowill shower her highness with attention. Adopting Molly was somewhat impulsive and desperate…

I watch her eyelids flicker. I smile. Now, I want as many children as my body will give me.

A goodnight lullaby flows from the television, while a few rooms away, Tyler accompanies the same song on the piano. It is our routine.

Molly has no idea that as soon as she is deep asleep, I am going to slide out from under her, Donnie will take her to her room, and I will leave the house to meet Dexter.Thatis not the usual routine… We have to help him figure out how much he wants to take on and where he fits into our strangevillage.

So far, it’s been awkward. Odd. Sad, even. Donnie noticed Dexter was unsettled today. I could tell; it was in Donnie’s eyes, always looking through things, even people, at cogs, trying to fix the problem—which is Donnie.

But Tyler was too stimulated by the day. He has been waiting to have his big brother back, whether said brother is ready or not. Tyler charges at life; I hope he doesn’t get too disappointed during the teething of our new village. Dexter is not the kind of man to slot into place—he rearranges.

And that might not go down well.

He is at the hotel already. We dropped him off after McDonald’s. He didn’t talk much.

I look at the article again. My eyes find a paragraph that makes me sigh.‘Small talk doesn’t happen much in prison, and it can take time to learn what to talk about and how to chat.’

Maybe I can help with that…

CHAPTER THREE

DEXTER

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