Page 93 of All Our Secrets

“No, I don’t. Theodore is dead. You’ve mourned him enough.”

My stomach twisted. “What about you? Don’t you feel any sort of way about what you’re trying to do?”

He gripped my chin. “You want the truth or a lie?” I bit my bottom lip, and he continued, “Our friendship changed the second you entered it. Theo was my best friend and like a brother to me. That will never change, but there are things I know now that I didn’t before. But I’ll tell you a truth, Peyton. If you had given me the slightest hint that you felt something for me at any point, even when you were his wife, I would have burned down the world for you.”

I jerked away from him. “See? How can you say that? I don’t understand. My stomach knots thinking of what Theodore would say or do if he knew what we’ve done.”

He took my hand. “My thoughts are my own. I’ve been ignoring them far too long. I’m not a bad guy just because I know what choices I would have made if you had given them to me. Those are mine to bear. Not yours.”

Wrong. My feelings weren’t as pure as I wanted them to be.

He cupped my cheeks and whispered, “How long will you stay in the past? You were good to Theo when he was alive, but it’s time to move on. With me.”

No, I wasn’t good. Everything was twisted and wrong inside me.

“I wasn’t,” I whispered through the first sob. “It’s wrong to want you so much. Iambad.”

“You’re not.” He wiped my cheek.

“You’re bad.” I hiccupped.

“I am.”

“We can’t do this.”

“We are.”

“No, we’re not. But I need you.” I gripped his shirt. “So maybe we can go back to what we were before the vacation? Friends, sort of?”

“I’m going to take care of you for the rest of my life, baby, but it won’t be as friends.”

“Stop. We are friends,” I lied. “And no sex.”

“We’ll see.”

“I’m serious.”

“Eat your food before it gets cold.”

“Go before someone sees you.”

Silas’s thumb trailed down my chin. “Don’t be afraid to be with me.”

My stomach buzzed with the longing I felt to touch him back. I pushed his hand away instead.

“Can you really push me away so easily?” His voice was a hypnotic murmur, trying to lull out my secrets.

I cleared my throat. “Thanks for the food, but I really need to work.”

“See you tomorrow, Peyton,” were his parting words.

∞∞∞

I did see him the next day. Silas didn’t hang around the school long enough to do anything more than bring me food, touch my face, make my body melt, then leave. So I was a bit surprised, and I’d admit, disappointed when he never showed up on Friday.

It’s for the best.

I wasn’t going to give in to him. And I shouldn’t be around him.ButI missed him and wanted to see him. Such a complicated predicament I’d placed myself in, all because I couldn’t keep my hands off him.

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