Page 74 of All Our Secrets

“I know that it’s a big deal for you, but you’re doing great.”

How could Inotfeel something when he said things like that?

Still not turning around, I placed my elbows against the tub. “Why do you try so hard to make me feel better?”

“I don’t try,” he stated. “I do.”

The door clicked shut with his departure.

∞∞∞

I was laying T.J. down in his bassinet when Silas came out of the bathroom, fresh out of the shower, and suggested we watch a movie.

The man strolled out with his wet hair slicked back, beard combed. He wore a pair of checkered sleeping pants and a white T-shirt that was snug around his biceps. My mouth felt dry, so I took a few gulps of my Dr Pepper. But even my favorite drink couldn’t quench the thirst I felt in that moment. I ogled him when he wasn’t looking. Somehow, seeing him in all his mundane glory made me all the more nervous.

Still, I was determined to go through with the whole getting-Silas-out-of-my-system scheme, so I squeaked out a “sure” and plopped down on the couch. I was tucking my damp hair behind my shoulder when he joined me.

I didn’t know what movie he picked out. I was far too preoccupied with what the outcome of my plan might be. My jumping Silas’s bones plan. Would he kick me to the curb the second I tried? Tell me what a hussy I was for hitting on Theodore’s best friend? The thought alone had me shriveling up like a dry sponge. But maybe he’d let me. Hell, maybe he’d get me off in the process. Probably better if he didn’t since this entire thing was a means to get over this desire. If Silas was a selfish lover, that’d snuff the flame quickly.

It was one thing to be in lust with Theodore’s best friend. But to growfeelings? I couldn’t catch those. Before T.J., Theodore and his parents were the best things to happen to me in years. It wasn’t just about Theodore. I couldn’t bear to upset Rosie and Gerald.

If this was nothing more than a hint of attraction, so itty bitty that I could go on about my life, I would. But every second I distanced myself from Silas made the intensity of when I saw or spoke to him again stronger. I’d risk everything to return to normal. Iwouldreturn to my life, raise my son, and go back to teaching in two weeks.

Silas… I glanced at him and inhaled sharply. When he noticed, I focused on the TV. Yes. Silas and I… We’d be ruined, but life would go back to normal for both of us afterward.

I peeked at him again a few minutes later, unable to fight the pull he had on me.

He turned again, eyes half-lidded in the darkened room, and murmured, “Peyton.”

If he knew how badly he dampened my panties with that stare…

“What?” I whispered.

He ran his hand down his thigh slowly. “Do you need something?”

“Huh?” My heart pitter pattered out of control.

“You’re staring.”

“I’m not,” I lied. “Focus on the movie.” I bit my bottom lip and stared, unseeing, at the screen. Then I uncrossed and crossed my legs a dozen times. I grabbed the decorative pillow beside me and smacked it around because I was so damn restless and horny. But even so, I was too chicken. My heart was about to fly out of my chest, and if I glanced at him one more time, he might call me out.

Jesus, Peyton.I’d never been such a chicken before.

I stood abruptly. “I’m tired. I think I’ll go lie down in case T.J. wakes up later.”

“You’re tired?”

At his disbelieving tone, I tried not to squirm. “Yeah, it’s been a long day.”

“Hmm, all right then, but tomorrow I’m getting your ass some fidget toys.”

“What?” I scowled.

“You’ve been bouncing all over the place.” He leaned forward, legs spaced out like some sort of God. No, a king. A king I wanted to crawl on top of—

His words cut through my thoughts. “I thought you were going to end up on top of me more than once.”

Little did he know, I’d been trying to build up the nerve to do just that.

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