Page 58 of All Our Secrets

I must have worn a similar expression when I snarled. “I thought time would make it easier because I trusted you to love her. You’ve always been more friendly, more open, and happy—more everything, so I got this picture in my head. That she’d be happier with someone less like me. Do you know how much I regretted that decision? How many times I died on the inside? Every time you touched her in front of me? Out of fear, I lost her completely. I don’t blame you for my choice back then, but now I know you had your own agenda.”

Theodore swayed, then gripped his head. When his eyes were on me again, he was pissed.

But so was I. “That’s good because I have my own now too.”

Chapter Twenty-Six:

the day I died

Theodore

When King was dating Becky, I felt a peace I never quite had when he was single. As his friend since childhood, I had liked to think I recognized his body language. His thoughts and feelings. Beneath his surliness, he often gave everything away. He didn’t love Becky. But I wanted him with her anyway. He had been single for too long, and I worried about who he thought of when he was lonely.

Surely, it couldn’t be my wife. Right? Someone didn’t stay hung up on one person that long. But I knew my wife, how warm her affections were, and how welcoming her body was in ways that King didn’t. Would I be in that same spot he stood in if he had come forward that day? I never wanted to know.

King broke it off with Becky, and that worry deep inside me grew, slow and steady. I couldn’t stop thinking about our conversation at the cabin. The one I’d cut short. Since then, he had been full of anger and resentment. I could see it in the way he looked at me. Could feel it about to bubble over.

My wife was in my bed, in my arms every night. I’d played dirty back then to have her; I’d do it again to keep her. I’d been trying my best to give my wife a baby since then. I wanted King to be the first person I told when it finally happened. I needed the fire inside him to dim once more. Peyton was mine.

It was a few weeks after that, when we were on one of our Sunday rides, that King approached me again. By the furrow in his brows and his rigid stance, I knew he was ready to bring it up again. That conversation I’d fought to keep from existing. The churning of my gut spoke of doom before it even began.

“What’s with you?” I slapped my palm across his back. Maybe everything would be okay if I pretended it was. “You look like your pet goldfish died.”

King removed my hand, creating distance. “Before we head out, we need to talk.”

Devin quirked a brow beside us. “Lover’s spat?”

“Alone,” King added.

Devin tossed his hands up and walked away.

My mouth tasted like cotton. “Well, what is this about?”

“Peyton.”

Just like that, I hated my best friend. Had he already told her who he was? Was she having an affair? So many possibilities swirled in my head at my wife’s name from his lips.

No. No. Impossible. I loved her so much. I’d made sure King didn’t exist in her thoughts anymore.

“What about my wife?” I was a bastard. I loved calling her that in front of him. He needed to be reminded a hundred times. If not thousands. Peyton had chosen me. I’d hold that over anyone’s head and gloat like a motherfucker.

“There’s something I need to tell you before I do it.”

“Will it piss me off?”

“I was that gaming friend of hers. King.”

My stomach rolled. “You were?” I pretended not to know. “Why didn’t you tell me? And what are you planning to do?”

“I want to come clean to her,” he admitted, eyes slanting. “I want our friendship back.”

“Jesus, King. That’s my wife,” I snarled.

His jaw tightened. “I know, Theo, believe me, but she was in my world long before you met her.”

What would she think if she found out? How would she react? Would anything change? The questions kept swirling.

I shook my head. “You’re not saying a damned thing to her.”

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