Page 54 of All Our Secrets

“Yeah.” Silas stood. “Games are about to start…”

He and Theodore rarely lost in these cookout games.

“Who’s your partner this year?” I asked.

“Devin.”

“Well, Devin might know what it feels like to win for once.”

Silas’s smirk cracked through slowly before it waned completely. “Theodore’s absence is strong today.”

“Yes, it is,” was all I could say to that.

Itwasdifferent that year. Theodore’s loud mouth was missing. His voice had always been the loudest at these events. No one could get him to shut up. Like me, my husband had been a social butterfly, but unlike me, he never needed to recharge at home after peopling all day. He never ran out of fun.

Becky stepped into the cabin. Her eyes landed on Silas immediately, then me. I glanced toward Silas, searching for what she saw. What made her so desperate to be with him again. What made her so steadfast in her pursuit.I see it.Actually, I’dfeltit long before she spotted it. But Silas had squashed it out with his cold distance during our first meeting.

What am I thinking?

I lowered my gaze. If I ignored Silas and these emotions,maybe I could find myself again. The girl who enjoyed these cookouts a lot more when her husband was alive. Actually, Iwashaving a good time, but then Becky showed up. The messiness of my mind reared its ugly head when it came to what I was fighting to ignore.

“Nothing will be the same,” I said absentmindedly.

“No, it won’t.” There was a hitch in Silas’s voice that made me glance up, but he’d already turned away. As he walked out, Becky followed. I hugged T.J. closer. It was all I could do as someone else’s widow.

Chapter Twenty-Three:

Theo told me

Silas

The day was long, and my moments with Peyton too short.

When the sun set and the games came to an end, so did the fundraiser. As always, the bake sale sold out. Devin thrust out his tiny trophy, waving it in everyone’s face, which earned him some exhales. The action was so like Theodore that I stood there, looking at Devin but seeing Theodore instead. He’d loved to goad after we won these competitions, like we didn’t see these same faces all through the year.

I made my way inside with the few others who remained. Peyton washed dishes, laughing with Sarah, but the happiness didn’t reach her eyes when she glanced at me before quickly looking away.

I groaned, placing my trophy on the island. She was so stubborn. Why was it so hard for her to accept my help? It was like she disliked me more each time she saw me. At one point, she hadn’t hated me at all. She’d given her laughter to me freely. Not in person, but it still counted.Oh, it fucking counted because those memories haunted me. I wanted our friendship back with a ferocity that gutted me each night. But I’d fucked everything up. Not her. Or Theodore. The regret would follow me to death. I knew it would, especially if Peyton never let me in again. Never confided in me. Never smiled at me again.

I wanted to be her listening ear. Her confidant. Her shoulder to cry on.

I’d ruined my friendship with Theodore the day he passed because I wanted my relationship with Peyton back. Another guilt that would live with me, but one that’d never turn to regret.

At the TV stand, Steven slammed his palm against the gaming console. “This piece of shit. How long has it been since it’s been on?”

“Hitting it ain’t going to make it work,” Peyton muttered.

Steven cocked his head. “Oh, that’s right. You play, don’t you?”

“Not anymore.” She shrugged. “Got tired of it a few years ago.”

I snorted, catching Peyton’s attention. I covered it with a glower that had her rolling her eyes. It was hard to imagine that Peyton had just gotten bored with gaming one day. The woman was a fanatic. But a few months ago, I’d given in and signed into my PlayStation to message her. She hadn’t gotten any of them because she hadn’t logged on in a long-ass time.

I watched her stare flicker over the controller. Her brows knitted together, and her eyes shut briefly. The desire to know what she was thinking had a sharp pang hitting me in the chest. I had been mad for so long after I saw her with Theodore that day. No, not angry.Terrified.She crossed paths with Theodore—the golden boy. And I was supposed to just admit,oh, hey, it’s your gamer pal, MoodyKing1,and pretend that my soul didn’t begin to rot the second I saw her with him? Fuck. I had finally been brave enough to bring up meeting each other in person, but the second I saw her, I’d let fear convince me that her not knowing who I was, was better than seeing the look of disappointment on her face when she discovered my identity.

If I left before she could turn me down, she couldn’t break my heart.

How fucking stupid of me to believe that. Walking out of the bar without speaking the truth was what killed me. My heart had broken more and more each time I saw her with my best friend. Until it was too much, and I finally cracked.

---