Page 37 of All Our Secrets

Chapter Sixteen:

mom

Peyton

I’d forgotten about my mother’s visit. That wasn’t true. I hadn’t, but I assumed—and hoped—she wouldn’t show. But there she was, with her hands on her hips. A flash of impatience escaped her lips when I opened the door, as if it had taken me too long to answer.

A tall, scrawny man stood next to her. My lips curled downward as I held the door against my body. As if that could keep me from letting them in. When she’d told me she was coming, she failed to mention she was bringing a man. No doubt her latest junky boyfriend.

I didn’t care who she kept in her life anymore. All the options she chose over me. Funny how years could go by and everything from the past seemed so small and unimportant. I thought I was over all the bad decisions, but maybe it had more to do with not being around her than actually moving past the hurt.

Every time I saw her, she was with another man. They all had different faces and body types, but they were all the same on the inside. Controlling, sick, mean. My stomach knotted. Why would she bring him with her? Anger manifested inside me—because of what she’d put me through years ago. And because she was standing right there, with another reminder of what she’d pushed me aside for.

I’m overreacting.

But she knew I would hate that she brought a man with her.

“What took so long?” Mom said, pushing at the door until I had no choice but to step aside. She frowned. “And why do you look so surprised?”

“You brought a guest.” I narrowed my eyes, not bothering to hide my annoyance. Her man followed her in, and I shut the door.

“This is my boyfriend, William. We’re getting married.” She waved his way and tossed her long brown hair. It was thinner than I remembered and in desperate need of a cut.

Oh my, like I hadn’t heard that one before. They were all the same. A means for her to get what she wanted. They were always like her too. Addicts.

Tears blurred my vision. I couldn’t stand to look at her. Whoever this woman was, she wasnotthe beautiful mother who’d raised me.

I couldn’t believe she’d actually come. And why had I thought it was a good idea to invite her? I’d been scared and lonely at the end of my pregnancy when I called her. In my weakened state, I’d imagined what it would be like to have my mother there for me in such an important part of my life. To answer my questions about pregnancy and motherhood. To support me through the changes.

But my mom hadn’t been a mother in a long time. The woman I knew died when her addiction began.

As I watched them glance around my home, I swallowed down my nerves. My eyes watered, and I looked away as an overwhelming need for her smacked me in the chest. Even after all these years, my heart still wanted her attention.

Hatred and love for her warred inside me like they always did. Sometimes, I saw glimpses of the person I loved dearly, and that’s what kept me from pushing her out of my life completely. Ultimately, though, moving away from her had been the best decision I’d ever made. I could only handle seeing her so much before I broke down.

I watched them, noting the things they focused on for too long. I hated that my mind had gone to that already, but I wanted to be sure I could account for all our things. Who knew what would be missing when they left.

I jumped when a hand squeezed my shoulder. William and his yellow smile stood behind me. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

I bet. “Is that so?”

“You look sick.” Mom walked over and squinted at me. “And pale. Are you breastfeeding? I told you not to.”

I stiffened. “I just woke up.”

Mom always had something to say about my appearance, but never seemed to care that her addiction showed through her sunken eyes.

“Where’s my grandson?” Mom asked.

“Sleeping.”

“I want to see him.”

My heart ached, and a part of me wanted to believe those five words. Maybe she didn’t have a hidden agenda after all. It couldn’t have been easy for her to drive this far to come see us. I hated that she brought a man, but she was still T.J.’s mamaw.

∞∞∞

Mom’s visit started off decently. William was on the quiet side. He never once asked to hold my son, which I was thankful for. I didn’t want a stranger touching my baby. Heck, I didn’t even want him in my home, but at least he wasn’t a jerk like some of the men she dated. He was quiet, withdrawn even.

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