Page 30 of All Our Secrets

At my possessive thoughts, I glanced around, searching for Theodore. He seemed to appear and disappear randomly.

“Do you think the intruder will come again?” she asked.

I pressed my lips together. If I answered honestly and told her there was no danger, she’d be relieved. But Theodore washere, in her home. My heart snagged in my chest.I needed the excuse. I wanted to stay. “Possibly,” I answered. “I’ll stay until we know for sure.”

“My mom will be here the day after tomorrow. I’m not sure you’ll want to stay then.”

“She’s coming to town?”

Peyton nodded, taking a huge gulp of her milk. Her dad passed away when she was little, and she had been really close to her mom up until her teenage years. I didn’t know all the details. Only that her mother got into some bad situations, which caused problems for her daughter. She did tellKingthat much.

“I’ll stay.”

Peyton’s fingers tightened around her cup until her knuckles turned white. “I don’t understand. Who would do this to me?”

When her shoulders sagged, my feet moved forward, then I stopped.I’m not allowed to comfort you.But God, how I wanted to love Peyton openly.Thatwas when my emotions were the hardest. The seconds, minutes—all these little moments in her life I wanted to be a part of—had slipped away because of one fucking choice.

I had chosen to remain hidden. Had tortured myself for years. My fingers itched to cover the right side of my face. The very face she stared at so intensely sometimes. The way she made my skin prickle. The way she made me regret my actions every single day. The way I wished to push her against the wall and breathe all this pent-up frustration out. Until she knew no one else would love her like me. No one could take care of her like me.

But…

I turned my right side away from her. She’d seen my ugliness a hundred times over by now, but when my desires crept in… I feared that she might see it. The need I had for her twisted within the scars.

If one looked close enough, they’d see my footsteps all around Peyton. They would have seen my gaze linger too long. But I was a scary fucker, and most avoided me, which made it easy to go unnoticed.

“I’m here. Nothing will hurt you,” I promised, side-eyeing her.

She raised her head and locked eyes with me as my words hung in the air between us. My fingers itched to touch her, so I squeezed them together and shifted on my feet.She’s so far away,andyet right across the kitchen from me. But we were states apart again, like we used to be.She’s right there… My actions over the years made inches feel like a chasm between us.

When she still said nothing, I muttered, “No one’s going to bother you.”

Blinking quickly, she opened her mouth before she averted her gaze. “You can’t do this forever. You’re doing too much—”

“Not this again.” I sighed. “I thought after this incident you finally understood. You call me when you need me.Always.”

Her cheeks turned bright red. “This is an entirely different matter, Silas. Someone got inside my house while I was home. Going to the grocery store is a different matter. I wasn’t going to call you oranyoneto walk me to my vehicle. You act like I’m going to break. I don’t get it. You barely tolerated me for years, barely spoke to me, and now you’re always there. Everywhere I go.”

The hair on the back of my neck prickled as she crossed her arms and huffed. But how could I tell her I’d spent all that time keeping my distance,tryingto repress my feelings for her, only for them to spill over and cause a rift between her husband and me only moments before he passed? That Ishouldleave her alone and let her live her life, but it’d be a cold day in hell before I left her again.

“I messed up, okay? It was never my intention to make you feel like I didn’t want to speak to you…”It hurt to ignore you, and it hurt to see you with Theo.I rubbed the back of my neck. “I was an ass then, but I want to help you. I’ll always be here to help you.”

“Theodore—”

“Enough.” I cut her off, and she shrank back. “Just accept that you’ll always have me.” My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. It was the closest I’d been to admitting how much she meant to me. When the room got quiet, I quickly added, “To call when you need help. And stop,stopmaking it about Theodore. You’re my friend too.”Have been since way before you became Mrs. Johnson.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered before bursting into tears. “My emotions have been everywhere since T.J. was born. I don’t feel like myself.”

I stiffened as she wiped her eyes. “Don’t do that,” I muttered. If I tried to comfort her, to pull her in—I wouldn’t ever let go, so I didn’t dare try. And I fucking hated to see her tears. “You’re a new mom, and if anyone will get the hang of this, it’s you. T.J.’s lucky to have you.”

“Oh God,” she wailed. “If you’re being nice, something is definitely wrong with me.”

“I don’t say things to be nice, Peyton. I speak the truth.”

Her tears stopped, and she sniffled. My heart went into a frenzy. Her face was blotchy and wet. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her red nose. Fucking hell. This was torture.

“I don’t know what you’re feeling, but you’re going to be okay. And if you feel like being okay is too hard sometimes, you’ve got me.” I wouldn’t allow her to be anything other than fine. “Do I need to stay here instead of heading to the shop?”

Her nose crinkled. “Lord no. I’m already embarrassed enough.” As she wiped her face with a tissue, she snorted. “My oh my. Who would think you’d be comforting me?”

---