Page 22 of All Our Secrets

This was why I stopped dating. I’d dated Becky off and on over the years, and in a small town like this, that was reason enough for everyone to bring her up. Even when I said I never planned on settling down. That was a lie anyway, just like Becky was the Band-Aid I’d slapped over my bleeding heart for a while in an attempt to forget the woman my best friend was with.

A mind was ugly, and a heart was vain. Instead of risking myself, I trapped myself within those organs until I bled all over everything in my life. To protect myself, that one selfish choice cost me mywhat-if.And those what-ifs I thought about day in and out kept me from moving on from PeyBunny33.

Thatwas what I had to live with for the rest of my life. Theodore would have to accept his circumstances too.

Things don’t always go as planned. Such is life.

Peyton was right.

“We broke up a year ago. Before you…”Passed away.

Because I couldn’t do it anymore. Becky was in my home, splashed all over my life, and I wanted her out—gone. No matter how cruel that made me. Before she got any more ideas of marriage and children, I said goodbye, and then I… confronted Theodore about the past.

“What are you doing here?” Theodore asked again.

“Making sureyourfamily feels safe until you move on.”

He held my gaze. “Really?”

Instead of answering, I muttered, “Don’t touch anything. For fuck’s sake, let them sleep.”

Chapter Ten:

weird

Peyton

Itried to nurse T.J. again that night, but he wouldn’t latch for long and was up an hour later crying. A pang snagged my chest as I got the breast pump out. I don’t understand. I filled an entire four-ounce bottle from each breast right then. I was producing milk, so why… What was I doing wrong? Was I overthinking? While it was normal for some babies to eat every hour, there was a worry in the back of my mind.

After I fed him a bottle and burped him, I laid him back down in his crib. I googled my question and was scrolling through my phone, carrying the extra milk to the fridge, when a deep, booming voice spoke. “Is everything okay?”

My phone went sailing in one direction, the milk pouch in another as I clutched my chest and whirled around. I immediately grimaced because my incision burned like a bitch. “Jesus, Silas. You scared me.”

Silas had on a pair of loose gray sleeping pants, and a white T-shirt clung to his giant arms and torso. I averted my gaze by looking up,up,and away from the noticeable bulge. Oh sweet baby Jesus. I didn’t realize the grump ever wore comfortable clothing. I’d only ever seen him in worn jeans.No wonder he doesn’t go out in public in sweatpants.

He raised one sleep-filled eye. “Don’t tell me you forgot I was here.”

Well, yes, actually…It was five a.m., and I’d been up three times throughout the night. Until I saw him, I had forgotten all the fear I felt hours earlier. My brain functioned on baby, boobs, diapers, pumping, and nipple cream at night and nothing else since I’d gotten home from the hospital.

I sniffed. “It’s been a long night.”

I went to pick up my phone and the bag of breastmilk, but Silas beat me to it and handed them over. Probably for the best. I wanted to whine from the discomfort my incision brought. Still, each day felt better than the last.

“Do you need help with him?”

I was so stunned by his question that I gawked. “No. T.J.’s asleep now.”

Silas had surprised me a lot lately. He had gone from barely acknowledging me over the years to appearing everywhere I needed him to be. It was weird. And annoying. It made things awkward and made my skin all tingly. We should have befriended each other years ago when we were meant to. Now it all seemed… forced.

Silas handed over my things. “You have to get up with him a lot.”

“Yeah, he’s eating every hour.”

“Well, he is Theo’s son,” Silas said, which made me laugh.

His eyelids drooped, his chocolate gaze suddenly appearing darker. “Go rest, Peyton.” The drop in his tone, the stare. I felt it in my limbs. The pressure of it building in my lower stomach.

My smile waned as heat spread over my cheeks. “You’re such a grump,” I said to mask the weirdness inside me and hurried into the kitchen.

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