Page 129 of All Our Secrets

“I’ll make his bottle. Are you—”

“We’re fine. I’ll change his diaper while you make it.”

Changing a baby’s diaper was a lot more difficult than I imagined. There were no instructions, so I put the taped flaps on the back. I frowned as I scooped him up. It didn’t seem right, but if he peed or pooped, it would catch it, so I called that a win. Placing him back down, I buttoned his onesie, then scooped him up before his mother thought I was murdering him.

She rushed into the room, already reaching for him. I took the bottle from her instead. “Sit,” I ordered as I placed the nipple to T.J.’s lips.

The crying stopped immediately, and Peyton dropped onto the couch beside me. Her bottom lip puckered.

“He’s fine. You’re fine.”

The tears slipped out anyway as she met my eyes. “I could have hurt him.”

“You were scared. And I’m still waiting for you to tell me why.”

“I’m losing my mind is why! All these strange things keep happening inside the house.”

“Hey, you’re not crazy.”

“No, you don’t understand what I’m trying to say. I don’t think I’ve ever had an intruder. I think something is inside the house.” She rubbed her forehead. “See? Crazy.”

“You’re not. I believe you. More than you know.”

She sniffed. “The doors keep opening and shutting. When I tried to call you, my phoneflewout of my hand, then my front door was unlocked, but I couldn’t open it. It was the scariest thing.”

Anger sparked inside me, and heat crawled up my face and neck, burning me from the inside out. This was why I didn’t want her staying there when he wouldn’t let me inside. I couldn’t imagine how he must feel in his situation. Being unable to communicate with Peyton. Seeing his son, unable to hold him. But he was dead. Now he would get his wish. I’d let Peyton know he was there. I’d speak for him. But as cruel as it made me, I wouldn’t be doing it for him. I’d do it for Peyton. She needed to see that she wasn’t losing her mind.

“You’re here now. I’ve got you two,” I assured her.

One question still lingered, though. She said she’d tried to call me. Did that mean she was heading for my place when I ran into her?

“Were you coming here?”

Her eyes widened. “Yes, but… it doesn’t change anything. I’d rather be here than Gerald’s house.”

I’m most comfortable with you,was what she should have said, because it was the only way my brain wanted to take it.Even mad, I’d rather be here.

A peace I’d been missing for days crept into my chest, warming me from head to toe. “We’re going to be okay, baby, right?”

Peyton stiffened. “No. We’ve never been okay. You lied. I…” She trailed off, breathing deeply.

The hurt reflected in her gaze pushed all the feel-goods away. All I felt once more was the pain of all my mistakes. All the regrets. “You have every right to be upset with me. I’ll work the rest of our lives proving I won’t disappoint you again.”

Her forehead and nose wrinkled as she scowled. “How fucking hard was it to say, ‘Hey, I’m your best friend King. The one who just asked to finally meet in person’? God, why? Why give me hope to abandon me altogether?”

“Look at you,” I whispered as she blurred in my vision. The tingle in my throat fucking hurt. “Now, look at me. I’m scarred. I’m ugly, baby—”

“You arenotugly.”

“Since the moment I learned your identity, this fear of you seeing me has lived inside me. You’re right. I was a coward. I let that breathe lies inside me. Convincing me that you wouldn’t want me because of how I looked. Even though we were friends, we knew,everyonedid, that I loved you, so it mattered. I never, not once, saw you as a friend, Peyton. I saw you as my future. I just… didn’t know how to reach out and grab you at the time.”

She was quiet for a while. Long enough for me to wipe my eyes and burp T.J.

“You let your best friend have me.”

“And I’ve lived with that regret every day.”

“I would have spent my entire life with Theodore if he hadn’t passed away.”

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