Page 119 of All Our Secrets

All that was left to do was wait for Silas to arrive. Then I’d go home.

Because I could love my husband’s best friend. But I couldn’t love the man who had lied to me for years.

Chapter Forty-Five:

coward

Silas

Iran up the porch steps carrying takeout I got from Las Pena’s on the drive home. I hadn’t heard from Peyton since she’d texted me before heading to my place. The smile was hard to wipe from my face. I’d never be able to go back to sleeping apart from her after being together for the last few nights. Knowing she was in my home, waiting for me, set my soul on fire.

Stopping at the door, I glanced at the bag and frowned. Maybe I should have asked first. What if she’d cooked something? I didn’t think I had anything to make in the refrigerator, though. Besides, I wanted to spoil her. I had a lot to make up for. A lot to tell her.Soon.

The house was silent. If I hadn’t seen Peyton’s Tahoe outside, I would have thought no one was there. “Peyton?”

“Up here,” she replied.

I looked up the stairs as the front door clicked shut behind me. Unease rolled up my spine in shuddering waves.Something’s wrong.The dullness of her tone and her lack of greeting unnerved me. My tongue felt thick and uncomfortable in my mouth as my pulse raced.

Every light in the house was off. Stepping into the kitchen first, I flicked on the light and dropped the takeout on the table. Running my hand through my hair, I exhaled and took to the stairs. “I brought Mexican.”

My bedroom door creaked as I opened it slowly. I spotted Peyton buckling T.J. in the car seat. “What are you doing?” I asked and dropped to one knee beside her. She stood as soon as I did, so I followed. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

When I reached for her hand, she jerked away. “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me,King?”

Peytonnevercalled me King. Not since her gaming days.

Her face was blotchy, and her eyes were watery and smeared with black mascara. Her pain spread through me as she cut me with it. Behind her, I spotted my PlayStation log-in screen on the TV. My eyes widened as the roaring of my heart pounded in my ears. I sensed my world ending right then and there.

“You can’t lie to me anymore. I know.” She grabbed the controller on the bed and gripped it until her knuckles turned white. “Why?”

“Peyton…” I reached for her. The need to hold her, soothe her, to fix us ripped through my chest.I fucked up.My lungs threatened to collapse when she pulled away and slammed the controller onto my open palm.

“I was going to tell you,” I said. It was the truth, but now it would never seem like it.

“Lies!” She grabbed the car seat.

“I didn’t do this to hurt you.” I placed my hand over hers on the carrier. “Peyton, please. Just listen to me. Hear me out.”

“It’s been six years. Six. Years. I fucking knew, but you made me feel like an idiot. God, I’m so stupid.”

“Baby, please. You have every right to be—”

“Don’t call me baby.” Tears spilled down her cheeks.

I was losing her, but I couldn’t. I fucking couldn’t. Not again. I moved in front of her. “I was so confused and angry when you stepped into that bar with Theo. So fucking jealous that I was out of my mind. But more than that, I—”

“What?” She reared back. “That’s your excuse?”

“No.” My chest hurt as she looked at me. I’d always been so afraid to face her expression, the repulsion she might have on her face the day she learned what her gamer pal looked like, but nothing—nothingcould have prepared me for the hurt and fury in her eyes. My fear cost me everything. Not my fucking scars.

But even as I lost her, I’d fight to regain her.

“The second I saw you with him, I was terrified. Scared more than you could realize to revealthisface and body to you.” I gestured to my face with an open hand. “So I left you at the bar with him. I left you completely because I wanted to keep my what-ifs in my head rather than chance the repulsion I expected. I needed to besomethingto you instead of the picture I painted in my head of what I feared.”

“You…” Her breath came out like a shudder. “Youidiot. I can’t look at you.” Her gaze dropped to the ground before she headed for the door.

I stepped in front of her, blocking her path. “Because of my mistake, I had to watch you love someone else.” I grabbed her free hand and put it on my racing heart. “Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to hurt my best friend because he had you?”

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