Page 117 of All Our Secrets

“Did you?” I supposed I could wait for her to ask what she wanted, but I saved us the trouble. “We’ve been at Silas’s.”

Her blue eyes widened. “King?”

I had clearly surprised her by the way her jaw dropped.

“Yes.” I said nothing more as she searched my face.

“You and King are…”

“Yeah.”

“Since when?”

“Since the vacation.”

She placed her palm on her chest. “It seems so sudden.”

“You’re upset.”

Rosie sighed. “King… He’s always been easy to read. I’ve known the boy his entire life. And I’ve noticed his eyes on you one too many times. And my son might not have noticed, but Silas behaved differently around Theo after you arrived.”

“Silas could hardly stand me back then.”

“No.” Rosie met my eyes. “We know better than that, don’t we? Especially now that you’re with him.”

My throat got a painful throb in it as I fought not to cry. “Theodore’s never going to forgive me, is he?”

“King’s a good boy. Deserved better than what he got growing up.” Rosie patted my son’s back. “I think because of that, he’s always been a bit cold, except with you. What he felt for you was always so clear to me. He’s finally broken down your walls after all these months of helping you, right?” Rosie wiped her eyes and looked away. “Of course I’d rather my son be here with you instead. To see his child grow up. But life doesn’t always give us what we want.”

“Theodore would have been a great dad,” my voice wobbled.

“Yes, he would have,” Rosie agreed.

I covered my face as the tears began. “God, he’d never forgive me and King.” I didn’t deserve forgiveness either way.

“That’s not how death works, Peyton. We can’t speak for them. You don’t know, and neither do I. And the dead can’t condemn the living for moving on. Such is life. But if my boy were here, he’d never give you a chance to love anyone else. You would still be his wife.” She winked, letting a tear fall down her cheek. “NowthatI believe.”

The hollow ache in my chest intensified. Not even Silas could guess the true reason behind these tears. Every word Rosie spoke sharpened the blade against my heart. If Theodore were there, how long could things have stayed the same when the past was left unresolved? When I closed my eyes, I still saw the orange glow of the gaming console in rest mode.

Rosie reached out and squeezed my shoulder. “It will take some getting used to, but at least with King, I won’t have to worry about you and T.J. when I leave this world. I will tell Gerald. He might be upset with King at first, but he’ll come around.”

Her words were meant to assure me, but they did everything but. Because despite what she said, she couldn’t wait to rush out of the house.

_____

Silas gave me a spare key to his house, so I left earlier that evening. I wanted to get there before him. My stomach was in knots the entire drive. Thankfully, T.J. sensed none of my distress. He kicked his little legs and glanced around as I entered the house.

I didn’t leave myself time to think about why I had arrived early. If I did, I’d give myself another reason to delay the inevitable.I’m wrong.I’d always been wrong. I needed to be wrong after all this time for everything to beright.My heart pounded as I walked up the stairs and entered Silas’s room. And there it was, resting on his TV stand. Setting the car seat beside me, I dropped to my knees.

The cottony taste in my mouth had me swallowing over and over. Taking a deep breath, I turned on the TV and powered up the console. The musical tone of the PlayStation waking was bizarre after not hearing it for so long. It made the nostalgia that much stronger.

It’s not King. Silas is not King.

Things Silas had said over the years started spinning around and around inside my head. The headache split down my skull.

“Silas,” he had corrected me on our first meeting. “Call me Silas the next time we meet.”

“I’m not him. This King you know, okay?”

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