Page 92 of All Our Secrets

Love, Silas.

-Your King.

Your King.

The words played over and over in my head, because as much as they made my heart race. I’d had a King before him, and he’d dropped me. This one belonged to my husband. I had to remember that, but…my King?

Silas King was persistent. I’d ignored him for a solid week, but he kept pursuing me. Why? When he looked as incredible as he did, and I looked so ordinary? My hair had its good days, but only if my waves cooperated. My makeup skills consisted of mascara, eyeliner, blush, and lip gloss, despite the obscene amounts of videos I watched on contouring and things. I was happy with my looks, but there were plenty of other options out there. Why would he choose me—his best friend’s widow?

It physicallypainedme to ignore him too. Every time he texted or called, I dove for the phone. I gobbled up his words like they were baked goods, reading them over and over. My fingers itched to reply, my heart got all fluttery, and every inch of my skin felt electrified.

All the more reason for me to avoid him. I was weak in a way I’d never known before. And that was no good. These feelings were no good. It was a little cruel if I thought about it. I could move on with any other person in this world, but not Theodore’s best friend. Silas was forbidden, and I’d already bitten off pieces I shouldn’t have. My late husband had been an easygoing person, but we all had our limits. As close as he and Silas were, what would he think of what I’d done? I shuddered.

But…

One day passed, then another, and I still glanced at the flowers in the vase on my desk as if they were the man I missed. My fingers found their way to the edges of the sunflower and traced it slowly. Silas King was a good man, and there he was, breaking all the rules—doing all the things that terrified me, like it was nothing. Like Theodore’s friendship wasnothing. Was it truly so easy? To stop thinking my fidelity and heart belonged to a man who was dead? In that sense, it was simple. But when I imagined how Theodore would feel… The idea pulverized me and stole the air from my lungs.

A frustrated groan tore from my throat as I plopped down in my chair. I hated my mind,hated it.I missed Silas King, but my conscience overrode the heartache every time, reminding me of the guilt that longing always seemed to overshadow. Was this the kind of mindset that led my mother to her addictions? If my thoughts weren’t bad enough, sometimes I felt as if I were being watched in my own home. A chill would slip down my spine. My scalp would tingle, and even my hair seemed weightier, like someone was touching it…

The break-in must still bother me. My own craziness made me long for Silas even more. But no matter how insane I felt, I’d never do to my son what my mother had done to me.

Propping my elbows on the desk, I dropped my head to the surface with a thud. I inhaled. Exhaled. Slowly pulling myself together until I felt the air change. My door creaked, and I glanced up and over—

I rose quickly. “Silas.”

He wore a plain T-shirt and worn jeans and held a bag of takeout in his hand. I wanted to weep. Not out of frustration, but relief. I hadn’t seen him in days. I tried to be good and stay away, but what could I do when he showed up at my workplace?

“You hungry?”

My skin prickled at his gruff voice.

Oh God. I miss you.

How could I yearn for someone so much when I’d only had him for a few nights?

It’s always been there between us.The ghost of Silas’s words pressed against my mind, reminding me otherwise.

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have come.”

He strode forward and dropped the white baggie on my desk. “Figured you would say that. Imagine where we’d be if I listened to you.”

I huffed. “We’re not fucking.”

“Not now, but oh baby, one day I am going to spread you out on this desk, and you know it.” I blushed while he glanced around. “Where are the students?”

“Teachers have reported back already, but students don’t return until Friday.”

He turned and smirked. “You didn’t deny what I said.”

“I hardly have time to entertain you today,” I lied, wiggling my mouse around to wake my computer so I could pretend I was doing something productive.

He hit the sleep button as soon as I did so, then dropped his ass to my desk, crossing his arms over his chest. “How about after you leave here, we go grab the little guy from Rosie, and you both come to my place?”

I smiled when I shouldn’t have. “I don’t know where you learned to date, but you’re doing it wrong. Doesn’t everyone get at least one date nowadays before taking someone home?”

“Then let me take you out,” he went on.

My smile waned. “It’s funny at first. Nice even. But you know why we can’t happen.”

---