Page 91 of All Our Secrets

“I shut down when I saw her. I was so shaken I couldn’t breathe —could barely look at her, so of course I didn’t tell her who I was.”

“She still doesn’t know you’re this gaming pal of hers?”

I shook my head, ignoring the sharp pain stinging my chest. “I tried to move on, Devin, I really fucking did, but I—”

Devin cut me off. “You didn’t.”

“I wanted to come clean to Peyton about who I was. All I wanted was to speak with her like I used to. But Theodore got upset, didn’t want me to tell her, and of course—”

“You had already made up your mind.”

“Out of respect for our friendship, I went to him first.”

“But it wasn’t that innocent, right? You didn’t just want her friendship. You didn’t go to Theodore out of respect, but more of a declaration of war.”

I covered my eyes and rubbed the bridge of my nose. His words cut deep because they were every bit the truth.

“It makes so much sense now. Everything. All these years. Why you never showed for Theodore’s wedding,” Devin stated.

“You’re right. I was ready to face my mistake for not telling Peyton who I was. I was ready to attemptanythingto have her.There. Are you happy? What I didn’t fucking do was tell Theo to storm off on his bike.”

“He was always a hothead,” Devin agreed.

“I’m not innocent, but I love that woman more than anything. I loved her even while she was falling in love with someone else. I wished Theo hadn’t stormed off from our argument, but I won’t pretend Peyton’s not everything I want anymore.”

“What about her son? Theo’s son?”

“One day he will bemyson.”

“King, you’re going to have to come clean to Peyton. About everything.”

Panic slithered up my spine. It was like someone had stolen all the oxygen in the room. When I breathed in, it was like inhaling water. “She will never forgive me. The guilt she has about me being Theo’s friend makes everything difficult enough as it is—”

“King, you have to.”

“She’s not answering my texts or calls,” I admitted. A chill spread through my body. There was love that felt like magic between us. But there was so much guilt and so many secrets woven through it all as well. I couldn’t compete with her loyalty to a dead man. All I had was me. And all our secrets. The ones that would tear us apart all over again.

“I’d ignore you too. You’re probably freaking her out.”

“Because I want to be with her?”

“Just go see her. I have no other advice. If she can’t stand to look at you, at least you’ll know.” He turned, then stopped and looked back. “Tell her, King. Things have a way of biting you in the ass if you’re not careful. I can tell you love her. If you can get past this, maybe you two were meant to be together.”

Chapter Thirty-Six:

I shut my door

Peyton

Idid everything I could to be ready for this day, but all the preparations in the world wouldn’t have made it easier. Rosie patted my back and ushered me to my car while I cried. Bad thoughts consumed me while I worked. What if something happened while I was gone? What if Rosie or Gerald couldn’t soothe T.J. when he cried?

I called and texted Theodore’s parents relentlessly while I worked on lesson plans. I missed my son, and being away from him felt unnatural. Then the sunflower and roses were delivered during lunch… and the other person I missed swept through my thoughts as well. The man I continued to ignore sent my heart into a frenzy with the note tucked into the flowers.

Peyton,

I know you’re probably feeling like it’s the end of the world being away from T.J., but you’ve got this. Each day will get easier. The last bell will ring, and you’ll be with him again.

The only thing wrong with that equation is you’re not including me. I’m giving you time, baby, but I’m reaching a limit. I hope you’re ready for me.

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