Page 62 of All Our Secrets

I huffed. “If something happens, don’t worry because my ass ain’t going to wait around for some intruder to hurt me and my son. I’ll take action.”

“You get scared,” Silas said, placing his hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. “And that’s okay.”

My body wanted to melt into his, and that pissed me off. I shrugged out of his hold. “It’s been weeks. I don’t know what brought this on, but no one’s attempted to break in.”

“I’m not worried about someone breaking in.” And with those odd words, he moved his truck so I could leave.

∞∞∞

I ran a finger over the picture frame where Theodore’s handsome smile stared back. One of our wedding photos. Never, not even once, did I ever feel unloved in my marriage. I never lacked attention. Theodore did his things, and I did mine. Then we had our moments together.

It had been easy. Much easier than this turmoilnow.

A fat tear dropped onto the glass, and I ignored it. It wasn’t a simple tear. It wasn’t a mournful one. It was liquid created from guilt. I didn’t cry for the past. I didn’t think about how sweet my life had been.

No, what I did was worse. I wept for how fickle my body could be. My son would never know his dad, and yet… I longed for the touch of another. It seemedwrong.All my thoughts and my body’s reactions made me cringe. I didn’t dare add heart because there was only so much guilt I could handle in a night.

And it hurt to ignore it, but it pained me to confront it too. I lashed out at Silas often because of it. When he helped me in ways that seemed too personal, I responded. I responded to the man he was. Not as Theodore’s best friend.

I’m sorry,I thought to Theodore as my forehead thudded against the picture frame.

I could blame these unwanted emotions on many things. Silas being too near—that was my favorite one. Silas doing too much, making methinkandfeelweird. But then what about my physical response to him before that? When he ignored me so painstakingly? More tears slipped, and I hiccupped. That was it.

It had been a risk dating Theodore after having such a strong, physical reaction to his best friend upon our first meeting. I turned the picture upside down and cradled my knees to my chest. In my thoughts, where no one else could hear, sometimes I wondered. I’d thought about it often enough before I truly fell for Theodore. If King hadn’t ghosted me when he did, would I have continued on with Theodore? Even then, if I had never met Theodore’s King that day at the bar, would I have continued with my late husband, anticipating a glimpse of the scarred man? A man dripping with the same deep baritone of the one who had abandoned me out of the blue?

The thought was a direct betrayal. One of many unspoken things my mind should have never conjured up to begin with.

Of course, the two most infuriating men in my life were so similar that my head spun. One ignored me online. A shocking action that I never really recovered from. I knew people stopped talking to each other out of the blue all the time, especially gaming buddies. Life happened. But that wasn’t King.

And the other King, Theodore’s best friend, the ever-present one. He ignored me in real life for years.Until now.And their voices… I swore they were the same, and yet, I could barely remember MoodyKing1’s voice. I never thought I would forget, but all I heard was Silas now. So when I tried to remember, I was more and more unsure.

But strangely, it was before Silas even spoke that day in the bar that my heart sped up and my throat dried.

Regardless of why I was so drawn to Silas, inKing’sabsence, I fell in love with Theodore. My driven need to speak more to Silas, so similar to the man missing in my ear each night, led me to falling in love with my husband.

Deep down, a part of me knew this could happen. My attraction had been easy to ignore because Silas never lit the flame. Every time he ignored me when I tried speaking to him, he turned those desires to nothing more than embers.

Placing the picture frame on the nightstand, I caught sight of a box poking out beneath my bed. I frowned. As much as I forgot with my mommy brain, it was possible, but I didn’t remember pulling it out. I hoped that was the case, but Theodore’s parents had come into my home more than once while I was gone.

Scooping up the box, I found my wedding album lying inside. My stomach sank as I picked it up and flicked through the pictures. Theodore wore a smile in every photo.

I cocked my head when I came to the picture of him and his three groomsmen. Devin, Steven, and Gavin. It was meant to befour. Silas was supposed to be his best man. He refused. I hadn’t learned that from Theodore, though. I learned it the day of my wedding when Silas didn’t show for his best friend’s wedding… I’d asked Theodore where Silas was at the wedding rehearsal and every other wedding-related event the best man should have attended, and each time, Theodore would say he was busy at the shop. That wasn’t the case. In fact, I wondered now more than ever why Theodore didn’t want to just tell me the truth. And why Silas had refused to begin with.

At my wedding, I kept waiting, waiting, waiting for the best man to show. And he didn’t.

He didn’t.

Nausea rolled through me, and I gripped my stomach.

I shook my head as the tears threatened to fall again.

Don’t think. Don’t think. It was better if I didn’t. I’d learned a lot about myself over the years. It wasn’t what I said that destroyed me. It was what I whispered inside my head that ate at me. Ate at things like happiness. Ate at the lies I told.

Chapter Twenty-Eight:

because it was him

Peyton

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