Page 56 of All Our Secrets

It was hard to fathom that I was dead. Even with my body as translucent as it was. Maybe because I couldn’t remember dying? Although being near my wife, day by day, night after night, while she never looked when I called her name, was proof of my state.

I wanted her to know I was there. That I wouldalwaysbe there for her. And when I learned how to touch her, I could love her the same. I could look after her so King could fuck off.

As I exited the room, my eyes caught on the open closet door. I didn’t know what made me walk inside, but I did. As soon as I saw Peyton’s old gaming console stored on the top shelf, collecting dust, a memory came to me.

It was a couple of days before the last fundraiser. King and I were at the cabin together. The other FCR guys weren’t with us. King was in one of his sulks. But that was his personality. Always so full of self-loathing.

I flipped the beer cap over and over as he downed another drink. Quirking a brow, I groaned. “If you’re going to be this upset about breaking up with Becky, why end things with her to begin with?”

King’s shoulders sagged. “I don’t love her.”

I slammed my palm across the rolling cap on the bar. “Sure you do.”

“No, you know it, and I know it.” He took another swig. “I should have never said yes to her to begin with. Not when I knew I could never give her what she wanted… but I had to try.”

“Try to do what, exactly?”

“To forget.”

I felt like a man trapped in quicksand. My limbs were heavy. My heart heavier. With a grunt, I walked over to the fridge and took out a beer. King’s chair scratched across the floor behind me. I didn’t look, but I was hyperaware of his heavy footfalls.

Surely not. Surely fucking not. After all these years. After I’d married Peyton. He couldn’t still be hung up on her. But even as my mind reeled, hundreds of memories flashed through me. Of King and all the focus he gavemywife when he thought she wasn’t looking. When he thought no one was looking.

Fuck.

Something clattered to the ground to my right. I whipped around to find him picking up the controller off the floor. His thumb moved over the buttons, and my jaw tightened.

Was this it? After all that time, he wanted to come cleannow? Hell fucking no.

I took the controller out of his hand and set it on top of the PlayStation. “I think you’re drunk.”

“I’m not,” he stated, walking over to the couch and plopping down. Leaning back, he ran his fingers across his face—the scarred side—and shut his eyes. “You ever realized you fucked up before you even fucked up?”

“You’re not making any sense.”

He chuckled, but it sounded more like a croak. “The sad thing is, I knew I was making a mistake back then, but I still made it. Now I’m stuck in this endless loop of nothingness, and I can’t move on. I can’t do all this fucking pretending anymore.”

I took a gulp of beer before saying, “Some mistakes can’t be fixed.”

“I’m aware.” King opened his eyes then, staring at me intently, and something in that shook me to the core. Because I saw determination. A mind already made up. “But I’ve come to realize I’m not above ruining things to try. Theo, we need—”

“I know you want to fill me in on your depressing story, but I have news too.”

I refused to let him finish. I would not let him put his truth out into existence. I had the girl. She was my fucking wife. Did he really think it would matter now? My skin crawled with a desperation I hated.

“Peyton and I are trying for a baby.” The lie flowed from my lips.

King couldn’t hide his shock. The color drained from his face, and his beer slipped from his grip, spilling across his jeans.

“That shocked?” I laughed.

He stood and grabbed a paper towel. He wiped at his jeans and didn’t look my way when he asked, “She wants a baby?”

“She’ll be a great mom.”

“Yeah… she will.”

He didn’t finish what he’d planned to say. All I had to do was go home and convince my wife that it was time for us to start a family. Preferably within the week…

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