Page 4 of All Our Secrets

A few hours after that, my PlayStation app alerted me.

PEYBUNNY33: TOMORROW THEN?

With a ragged breath, I rubbed my burning chest. I’d started this charade and would see it through to the very end. Theodore was a good guy—no, a fucking great one, and Peyton was the sweetest. I walked into my bathroom and stopped in front of the mirror. The marred part of my skin was a pinkish color in some spots. My right ear curled inward. My beard didn’t grow near the back of my jaw because of the scarring. The hair was thin and patchy until it got closer to my lips where no damage was. And scars covered the right side of my torso and thigh. I pictured my Peyton, with her beautiful smile and laughter, then I screamed and slammed my hand into the mirror, shattering it. Blood dripped along with the broken shards that clinked into the sink.

The dull ache in my chest flared. I couldn’t be that perfect, handsome man. If I touched her, she’d feel every imperfection against her skin. For the first time since I was a kid, I despised my scars.

I deleted the PlayStation app, unplugged the gaming console, and put it in the closet. And for the first time, I loathed Theodore Johnson.

∞∞∞

Peyton

PEYBUNNY33: KING?

PEYBUNNY33: IT’S BEEN DAYS. WHAT HAPPENED? I HOPE YOU’RE OKAY.

PEYBUNNY33: KING! I’M SERIOUSLY WORRIED. YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ONLINE FOR WEEKS, AND I HAVE NO OTHER WAY TO REACH YOU.

PEYBUNNY33: I’M GUESSING YOU DON’T WANT TO RESPOND.

PEYBUNNY33: GOD, KING, IF YOU’RE ALIVE AND WELL, YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.

PEYBUNNY33: BYE, KING.

PEYBUNNY33 LEFT THE GROUP CHAT.

Chapter One:

the regret

Silas

Five years later…

Staggering into the living room, I caught my shoulder on the doorframe. A sharp pain sliced up my arm, but that was nothing compared to the ache inside my chest. The fucking useless organ never stopped hurting. For my best friend’s girl.

The girl who should have been mine.Fuck.It shouldn’t have been like this. I shouldn’t have been in that house alone as a child either. My mother shouldn’t have left me. These scars weren’t meant to be on this body. Peyton wasn’t supposed to meet Theodore. She was supposed to be mine.

None of it should have happened, but it did.

I can’t do it anymore.

And it wasn’t the alcohol pumping in my blood that had me thinking like this. These thoughts ran on a constant loop.

All I wanted was her back in my life. Not this fucking awful life I created. The one where I ignored her while she existed beside Theodore. I wanted herback.

If that meant coming clean and upsetting her, so be it. I needed her friendship. I needed our conversations.

If I had to call her Theodore’s wifeonemore time, I’d go ballistic. Everyone was always saying, “Theodore has such a lovely wife” and “Peyton and Theo make such a beautiful couple.”

I fucking hated it, but that was of my own fault. I let a chance slip by. Now all I could hope was for her forgiveness. Her smiles and friendship once more.

If I didn’t get her back in my life…

I dug my PlayStation out of the closet, then carried it to the TV and hooked it up. I hadn’t turned this damned thing on since I’d stopped talking to Peyton altogether five years ago. It took several minutes for it to update. The last messages I found from Peyton honest to God made my heartache worse.

PEYBUNNY33 ADDED MOODYKING1 TO PARTY CHAT.

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